Today was difficult re my wig in the morning as the lump / bruise that occurred from the wig net that was too tight around my scalp was still bruised and lumpy in the morning and really hurt. I noticed later that night that there was pus in it (eeek). I hope it wasn't an infection. (sighs). Anyway I ended up putting cotton wool underneath the wig net and that seemed to work though my wig looked a bit off most of today though it didn't hurt - just a little tightness. Having clips at the side helped keep the wig on.
No one noticed or said anything about my hair today or anything else though no one really was in the office and I didn't bump into anyone. At lunchtime I went to the Mall though had no strange looks (not that I noticed).
In the ladies, the girl the other day who said that she liked my new hairstyle started to ask me how my eyes were but she stopped herself short of saying eyes as I think she realised she wasn't supposed to say it or wasn't supposed to know or something. I let it go and didn't comment back. If those that knew I'd had eye surgery told her, and this lady works in a different dept, then people just like to talk and tell others things that no one else knows ..... I bet they just wish they'd be brave enough to do something like this.
I just got off the phone to a friend I haven't spoken to in a few months and when she asked what I did for x'mas somehow I found myself telling her I'd had eye surgery. She asked whether it was cosmetic - I debated whether or not to tell her - and found myself saying yes, thinking as she's into new age and is a youth worker etc she'd not be judgemental. How wrong was I. She started saying things like I don't need it, why did I do it, I need to love myself inside instead of trying to fix something on the outside as people love me for who I am and not what I look like and that she has lots of admiration for who I am as a person and doesn't understand why I would want to do such a thing .... oh-kay that was like a red flag to a bull; and after having to put up with my best friend's comments the past few days about my surgery, I raged as this friend and told her I had debated whether or not to tell her as I was tired of people being judgemental and unsupportive; and that I found more comfort with the support group I have on the internet than with real life friends.
This went back and forth for a while as she said she was trying to be supportive and show me that she cares because she says she doesn't think I need surgery. I said it's how I feel that's important inside, and not how others see me. Then she asks what started this quest for new eyes and I said it was cos people kept saying how tired I looked for years; and she said well doesn't that show that you care what people think about you. Geez! That's not the point. Anyway, the discussion was heated and I was really upset and almost in tears. She was tying to use psychology she uses at work with me but hey, this is me. I've been studying metaphysics and new age for the past 18 years, am a reiki master/teacher practicioner, lightworker and have been to many workshops and learnt much about myself and I am at peace with who I am as a person. This is about the outside and not the inside. I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile when I look at what I see instead of cringing.
She then says that well she's 47 and she too hates what she sees in the mirror, we all have to age at some point and grow old gracefully. Geez, woman, that's your personal choice - allow me my own choices and let me be who I am and support me as a friend (screams). She insisted she was supporting me and loving me with her comments and not being judgemental and I said that wasn't how I was feeling and deeply regretted telling her about my surgery. I was very supportive of her when she told me she's dating a man who is 15 years younger than her, at aged 32 when all of her friends gave her a hard time and I asked her to think back to how she felt when her friends wouldn't support her and I did. She said she really appreciated my support ... enough said.
Anyway I'm still fuming as I only just got off the phone from her. I said that the way my friends are reacting to my surgeries, I prefer not to tell anyone anything in the future and will just do things on the quiet, based on the reactions I've been getting. And I said it was fairly common for a lot of people who have plastic surgery, to have friends and family who are unsupportive.
She was asking me if the pain and discomfort had all been worth it and that I should accept myself for who I am, warts and wrinkles and all, like she does. Bah!! Call that support? She wants me to be a carbon copy of herself.
She's not a close friend, just someone I went on a workshop with years ago. She only tends to call when she's feeling lonely; this must be one of them.
A lesson for me to learn from tonite .... be careful what I say to friends and family; and best to just not say anything cos no one is going to accept it as everyone thought I looked fine as I was. Geez if I was 20 stones, wore no make up, was hideous etc - people would still think I was fine - it's what I feel inside that matters. If you love me, and care about how I feel, then support me in my decisions. I hope she learnt a lesson from me tonite ... she said she learnt from her children to accept others; though I certainly did not feel accepted by her. I do not wish to have her in my life nor see her; though I know when her boyfriend who lives in Gambia finally moves to the UK, she'll want me to meet him, cos of my personality and she'll want me to make him feel at home, as I accept their relationship whereas a lot of her friends don't. (sighs). Screams!
I was looking at my eyes in the mirror at work, without eye make up on and thinking oh it's enough days now, my eyes are looking a bit bland; and I think next week when I go back to work, I'll start using a bit of mascara and eyeliner. I did try some mascara when I got home and wow it really opens up my eyes and I have absolutely no need to use the eyelash curler as my eyelashes curl right up all on their own and stay there! Wahooooo! Wow!! Ptosis is gone!!
My uppers still feel tight and swollen and it's almost a month now post surgery. My incision lines still ache / smart as do the staple areas. My scalp/head is still numb in parts and tight. Some itchiness in my wig today but that soon went.
Vision very blurry at work due to using the lubricant before I leave in the morning for work and also using the artificial tears without preservatives. It's also still very difficult for me to shut my eyes and blink.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Day 24 post surgery : Thurs 29 Dec 05
I felt more confident as I walked into work today knowing my wig didn't seem to look fake to anyone and breathed a sigh of relief and was able to hold my head up high as I walked into the building and onto my floor.
The day passed and no one seemed to give me a second glance (though there weren't many in the office and I only bumped into a handful of people). One lady at the foreign exchange center who knew I had the surgery didn't bat an eyelid when I went up to the counter to pick up some currency for one of my managers. I even braved it today and decided not to wear my glasses as I walked around meaning I decided not to hide behind my glasses after a year (eek). Now that's brave! Thankfully as no one much was around, I felt brave enough to do it and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I just looked like a woman without eye make up (ie normal) and my eyes did look a bit puffy (from the swelling still) though as I'd had surgery, that was to be expected. The woman didn't give a second look (well she did do a small double take) but didn't mention anything out of the ordinary or stare.
She asked how my eyes were and I said she looked a bit blurry to me without my glasses and her reply was "yes, I can tell" and basically that was that. I deflected the subject a little and turned it to her and it all went well, compared to the last time (July 05) I had my canthopexy and last Dec when I had had my other surgery, she did look at me strangely then. Now I just look different cos I have no eye make up and I have a new hairdo (which I don't think she noticed much) and the fringe takes away the focus from my eyes. It's like people have so much new to take in with me, and a lot seems natural, they assume I'm having a normal no make up day etc. I think that's how it is anyway hopefully.
I've been expecting people to comment about my new hair colour or hairstyle but nope, apart from the girl in the ladies yesterday, no one has mentioned it and I think I may have gotten away with it in that I've tweaked the wig so much it looks like my own (whew!).. Wonderful!
The downside is that after a few hours of wearing the wig, the net tends to dig into my scalp and my forehead/scalp starts to swell up and hurt. Today was a little better than yesterday though around 2pm, the throbbing started and there was nothing I could do about it (or not that I know of anyway as I daren't take the wig off to adjust it as it might slip and I'd not be able to fix it without anyone walking into the ladies and noticing). When I got home, I couldn't wait to take the wig off and where the wig cap was, I had a huge bruise and bump and a few hours later, it was still there and very sore. I'm not sure what to do. I can't not wear the wig anymore. I've iced it and will use some heat gel when I go to sleep.
I sincerely hope wearing the wig cap ie the hair netting is not damaging my forehead/scalp where the incisions are and restricting the flow of blood. I'm at a loss. I'll try and adjust the wig cap tomorrow by moving it around every couple of hours so that it doesn't concentrate on one spot and hope that helps ease the pressue on any one spot on my scalp though I'm very nervous about this. My best friend bought me a couple of different wig scalp covers to try one, one having a thicker band, ie for men, which I'll pick up tomorrow. She also recommended perhaps I could braid my hair and where my long hair is braded, have the wig cap resting on it so that my braided hair is between the cap and my scalp.
I got back late as today I had to work a full day and fell asleep after dinner, and just got up, to burning eyes. I am making an extra special effort to type this even though my eyes are as blurry as anything and my head throbs as I didn't want to miss any thoughts. Sorrie guys I can't get to make it to post at the Make Me Heal board thsi evening again (sniffles) - when I'm back tomorow after work, I should be able to reply properly.
I'm feeling a lot more confident about my wig and my eyes and will most likely continue to not wear eye make up as I have that look of puffiness. I may tell some people my eyes are still swollen if they ask and may also mention my eyes not shutting if they push further - I'll take it as it comes. A few more of the bankers have been calling up who're on vacation and asking me how I am and asking for details (as they do), and I have to talk to them about my eye surgery of sorts in some form. The medication schedule usually throws them off any plastic surgery as one wouldn't think with plastic surgery in the UK you'd need medication - I certainly didn't on my first two eye surgeries have any medication whatsoever.
I'm taking things as they come slowly and am really glad no one is focusing too hard on me or giving me any second glances like they did before when I had my first and second surgery as people who passed me would come up to me and ask me how my eyes were whereas no one is doing so now and I'm able to just be (whew) which is such a relief. That's what I've always wanted, ie to be left alone to get on with my life and not be center of attention and asked a whole bunch of awkward questions like how are your eyes and what exactly did the surgeon do and etc cos I looked so weird. So progress has been made (smiles). Baby steps.
Though it's still early days yet and I have next week when the whole team of 19 people will be back in the office and the rest of the firm, in their thousands will be back in the office including the mail room guys, cleaners, ladies in the canteen (oh yeah, I went to the canteen today to get some toast and was expecting some comments but nope, not an eyelid was blinked and it was busines as usual and no comments like I like your new hair or a double take .... wow! I was so thrilled (smiles) to not be noticed like I've been the past year!.
The day passed and no one seemed to give me a second glance (though there weren't many in the office and I only bumped into a handful of people). One lady at the foreign exchange center who knew I had the surgery didn't bat an eyelid when I went up to the counter to pick up some currency for one of my managers. I even braved it today and decided not to wear my glasses as I walked around meaning I decided not to hide behind my glasses after a year (eek). Now that's brave! Thankfully as no one much was around, I felt brave enough to do it and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I just looked like a woman without eye make up (ie normal) and my eyes did look a bit puffy (from the swelling still) though as I'd had surgery, that was to be expected. The woman didn't give a second look (well she did do a small double take) but didn't mention anything out of the ordinary or stare.
She asked how my eyes were and I said she looked a bit blurry to me without my glasses and her reply was "yes, I can tell" and basically that was that. I deflected the subject a little and turned it to her and it all went well, compared to the last time (July 05) I had my canthopexy and last Dec when I had had my other surgery, she did look at me strangely then. Now I just look different cos I have no eye make up and I have a new hairdo (which I don't think she noticed much) and the fringe takes away the focus from my eyes. It's like people have so much new to take in with me, and a lot seems natural, they assume I'm having a normal no make up day etc. I think that's how it is anyway hopefully.
I've been expecting people to comment about my new hair colour or hairstyle but nope, apart from the girl in the ladies yesterday, no one has mentioned it and I think I may have gotten away with it in that I've tweaked the wig so much it looks like my own (whew!).. Wonderful!
The downside is that after a few hours of wearing the wig, the net tends to dig into my scalp and my forehead/scalp starts to swell up and hurt. Today was a little better than yesterday though around 2pm, the throbbing started and there was nothing I could do about it (or not that I know of anyway as I daren't take the wig off to adjust it as it might slip and I'd not be able to fix it without anyone walking into the ladies and noticing). When I got home, I couldn't wait to take the wig off and where the wig cap was, I had a huge bruise and bump and a few hours later, it was still there and very sore. I'm not sure what to do. I can't not wear the wig anymore. I've iced it and will use some heat gel when I go to sleep.
I sincerely hope wearing the wig cap ie the hair netting is not damaging my forehead/scalp where the incisions are and restricting the flow of blood. I'm at a loss. I'll try and adjust the wig cap tomorrow by moving it around every couple of hours so that it doesn't concentrate on one spot and hope that helps ease the pressue on any one spot on my scalp though I'm very nervous about this. My best friend bought me a couple of different wig scalp covers to try one, one having a thicker band, ie for men, which I'll pick up tomorrow. She also recommended perhaps I could braid my hair and where my long hair is braded, have the wig cap resting on it so that my braided hair is between the cap and my scalp.
I got back late as today I had to work a full day and fell asleep after dinner, and just got up, to burning eyes. I am making an extra special effort to type this even though my eyes are as blurry as anything and my head throbs as I didn't want to miss any thoughts. Sorrie guys I can't get to make it to post at the Make Me Heal board thsi evening again (sniffles) - when I'm back tomorow after work, I should be able to reply properly.
I'm feeling a lot more confident about my wig and my eyes and will most likely continue to not wear eye make up as I have that look of puffiness. I may tell some people my eyes are still swollen if they ask and may also mention my eyes not shutting if they push further - I'll take it as it comes. A few more of the bankers have been calling up who're on vacation and asking me how I am and asking for details (as they do), and I have to talk to them about my eye surgery of sorts in some form. The medication schedule usually throws them off any plastic surgery as one wouldn't think with plastic surgery in the UK you'd need medication - I certainly didn't on my first two eye surgeries have any medication whatsoever.
I'm taking things as they come slowly and am really glad no one is focusing too hard on me or giving me any second glances like they did before when I had my first and second surgery as people who passed me would come up to me and ask me how my eyes were whereas no one is doing so now and I'm able to just be (whew) which is such a relief. That's what I've always wanted, ie to be left alone to get on with my life and not be center of attention and asked a whole bunch of awkward questions like how are your eyes and what exactly did the surgeon do and etc cos I looked so weird. So progress has been made (smiles). Baby steps.
Though it's still early days yet and I have next week when the whole team of 19 people will be back in the office and the rest of the firm, in their thousands will be back in the office including the mail room guys, cleaners, ladies in the canteen (oh yeah, I went to the canteen today to get some toast and was expecting some comments but nope, not an eyelid was blinked and it was busines as usual and no comments like I like your new hair or a double take .... wow! I was so thrilled (smiles) to not be noticed like I've been the past year!.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Day 23 post surgery : Weds 28 Dec 05
Well I survived today, without dying, like I thought I would! I was feeling extremely nervous especially when walking into the building and my floor. The first person in my team who saw me, had only been here a few weeks and only seen me for 3 days before I went on my surgery and he didn't seem to notice anything different about me.
The second fellow worker who walked in said good morning, good to have me back and that was that. A few other fellow workers in my team (male) said hi, good to see me and just carried on talking like nothing had happened; and strangely none of the guys mentioned my hair (grins). That was the biggest thing that worried me, apart from my eyes. One girl in the ladies said she liked my hair and said she liked the fringe and carried on talking. I pinned my hair up to the sides to make it look thinner and more "me" and I think people really thought it was my own hair, and that I'd had a fringe cut. Awesome! Though I only saw a handful of people today and there's more to come.
One of the female managers was in the ladies and she made a specific point about looking into my eyes as I walked past but my fringe was in the way as were my glasses and she couldn't quite tell.
So all in all, I'm a little bemused by today, ie if they think my wig is natural (grins) which actually even sometimes I think it's natural when I tweak it right.
Another boss may be in tomorrow and I'll be bumping into more people over the next few days and having a ground hog day :)
As I hadn't slept all night, I left at 2.30pm. Prior to me leaving, one of my bosses who was in the US on hols, called me and told me my bonus figure for the year and also my pay rise. He said I had achieved the highest bonus in all of my floor (wahooo!), and that I was the top scoring assistant who was above her peers (wow!). This is awesome and such an honour as in the ten years I've been at the firm, this is the first time, I've done well ie no bully bosses giving me bad reviews cos I won't succumb to their bullying (this happens a lot in the investment banking industry - ie bullying bosses). I was really thrilled as it'll help so much towards payment of my surgery bills and the pay rise will help increase my overtime monies (yeah!). (smiles)
I didn't wear eye make up today and I looked at a stranger in the mirror in the ladies. I'm not sure if I prefer myself with eye make up or without. I think I'll stick to without for a while.
Now that the red has gone in my left eye, I notice the lower eyelid retraction so much and as I was using my eyes all day at work, somehow the lump seems to get bigger and more noticeable and I am feeling upset at the way I look again cos the difference is now very noticeable again especially when I smile nd when I talk.
My wig hurt a lot at work today. I think it could be cos of the netting. I originally thought perhaps the wig was too tight but my best friend said that it could be the netting. I'm not evens ure if I should be using netting on my head right now if it makes or contributes to swelling. Once I got home and took my wig off, it felt heavenly to massage my scalp --- oooooh!
I can hardly keep my eyes open - must get some sleep; and I'll share on the MMH board tomorrow guys; unless I wake early in the morning before work and do my replies then :).
The second fellow worker who walked in said good morning, good to have me back and that was that. A few other fellow workers in my team (male) said hi, good to see me and just carried on talking like nothing had happened; and strangely none of the guys mentioned my hair (grins). That was the biggest thing that worried me, apart from my eyes. One girl in the ladies said she liked my hair and said she liked the fringe and carried on talking. I pinned my hair up to the sides to make it look thinner and more "me" and I think people really thought it was my own hair, and that I'd had a fringe cut. Awesome! Though I only saw a handful of people today and there's more to come.
One of the female managers was in the ladies and she made a specific point about looking into my eyes as I walked past but my fringe was in the way as were my glasses and she couldn't quite tell.
So all in all, I'm a little bemused by today, ie if they think my wig is natural (grins) which actually even sometimes I think it's natural when I tweak it right.
Another boss may be in tomorrow and I'll be bumping into more people over the next few days and having a ground hog day :)
As I hadn't slept all night, I left at 2.30pm. Prior to me leaving, one of my bosses who was in the US on hols, called me and told me my bonus figure for the year and also my pay rise. He said I had achieved the highest bonus in all of my floor (wahooo!), and that I was the top scoring assistant who was above her peers (wow!). This is awesome and such an honour as in the ten years I've been at the firm, this is the first time, I've done well ie no bully bosses giving me bad reviews cos I won't succumb to their bullying (this happens a lot in the investment banking industry - ie bullying bosses). I was really thrilled as it'll help so much towards payment of my surgery bills and the pay rise will help increase my overtime monies (yeah!). (smiles)
I didn't wear eye make up today and I looked at a stranger in the mirror in the ladies. I'm not sure if I prefer myself with eye make up or without. I think I'll stick to without for a while.
Now that the red has gone in my left eye, I notice the lower eyelid retraction so much and as I was using my eyes all day at work, somehow the lump seems to get bigger and more noticeable and I am feeling upset at the way I look again cos the difference is now very noticeable again especially when I smile nd when I talk.
My wig hurt a lot at work today. I think it could be cos of the netting. I originally thought perhaps the wig was too tight but my best friend said that it could be the netting. I'm not evens ure if I should be using netting on my head right now if it makes or contributes to swelling. Once I got home and took my wig off, it felt heavenly to massage my scalp --- oooooh!
I can hardly keep my eyes open - must get some sleep; and I'll share on the MMH board tomorrow guys; unless I wake early in the morning before work and do my replies then :).
Thin patch V spot : Tue 27 Dec 05
Pix of the V shaped incision of Y-V endo brow lift that has caused a thin patch by my left side parting. As it's thinned out the hair and caused a patch, I can't wear my hair side parted anymore (sniffles) until it grows out. It's very disheartening.
I have always had a thin patch there though the V shaped incision must have thinned away and lost some hair during the surgery and/or perhaps with the chemicals used; which has damaged a lot of my hair which feels like it's had a bad chemical perm :(
I'm just grateful I was able to purchase a wig that looks like my natural hair, length and style. Facing everyone at work with my new eyes is going to be hard enough .... I think it's really obvious I've had my eyes done though I'm hoping to hide behind my new fringe and glasses. My eyelids are just too full and give away the game (sighs) though if I don't wear mascara or eye make up, hopefully my eyes will look bland and no one will notice too much. I'm soooooooooo nervous about going back to work.
Self confidence is the lesson to learn here ie "fake it till you make it" as Barbara de Angelis said in one of her tapes on confidence, a lot of people don't have much confidence, herself included, and they pretend to be confident while all the time feeling inside they don't really know what they are doing; and the key is to pretend like you have confidence and soon you'll go along with the flow and start to believe in yourself and/or the energy will change coming from you and others will pick up on it and react accordingly.
That's my lesson to learn from this experience, to learn to exude self confidence and not let anyone know that deep down inside I'm insecure and scared (eek). If I "pretend" to be confident, it'll rub off on me and I'll begin to believe it and feel confident and soon will be confident .... whew. Deep breaths!!
I know my investment banker bosses occasionally aren't confident as I can sense it and they handle big business meetings all the time, while inside I'm sure they feel like a 5 year old boy who is playing big games with big guys etc!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Day 22 post surgery : Tue 27 Dec 05
Tomorrow is my first day back at work since my surgery and I'm not looking forward to it. Thank goodness though that most of the team will be out of the office, baring that one new guy who only joined us 3 weeks ago. He may have to be in as he has no holiday leave. At least I'll be able to leave work later - perhaps around 2-3pm as the whole building will practically be empty.
I'm feeling very nervous about people seeing me in my wig (eeeek) for the first time as I've never worn a wig before and would hate for it to be obvious that it's a wig; though if I tweak it properly and put the hair behind my ears, it does look like my own natural hair as it's the same length as my own natural hair ie a couple of inches below the bust line and has the same shaggy look (grins) as my natural hair - coincidence perhaps; and the fringe looks just like I used to wear it all those years ago and so is the parting. The hair colour is just a little different as it has highlights. I can always say my best friend's daughter is training to be a hairdresser and has asked to use me as a guinea pig and I've agree and that my looks will keep changing over the weeks/months as she tries out various things on me.
I'm hoping that the wig will help take the attention away from my eyes as the wig if obviously much bigger than my eyes and will take center attention (eeek) and as I have a fringe, that will hide my high hairline while my natural hair grows in the thinning areas and also take away the look from my eyes as I now have eyelids, ie proper eyelids whereas before, being half Chinese and half English, I only had smallish eyelids which looked sleepy. My best friend says I no longer have that sleepy look in my eyes and she really likes it. I'm still fairly overwhelmed by it and especially looking at my new eyes in the mirror in different lighting other than home which is fairly dark, compared to the shopping mall and work, where there are lots of lights overhead everywhere in the building.
I usually bump into people I haven't seen for ages on the 5th floor at work and have been thinking that for a few months I'll take a different route to go to the fifth floor (where I have to pick up foreign exchange, tickets, send couriers and pick up presentations from the copy center etc) so that I can avoid bumping into people and avoid unwanted attention and unwanted conversations. I need to get over the overwhelm I feel currently before I'm ready to deal with unwanted awkward questions and stares, which make me feel very uncomfortable. Thank goodness the wig looks natural (if tweaked properly) and if I feel comfortable wearing it, knowing that it won't slip nor look weird throughout a 10 hour day at work, nor itch etc, then I'm all set.
I feel a little like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie with his wig (smiles). I feel like I'm playing a role (grins) while I'm healing in the background, ready for the big reveal when the time is right.
I did a search on the internet for hair extensions and came across a hairdressing company in Central London which deals with hair extensions both fashion wise and for hair loss. http://www.markglenn.com/fashion.htm Right now my hair thinning looks like some of the real life hair pictures in the hair loss section (eek). Fairly costly to have fixed though knowing that it can be fixed is a godsend. Maintenance for hair loss is every 6-8 weeks and the hair loss costs are much higher than the fashion hair extension costs. I may consider it - depending on how my hair grows and repairs itself over the next few weeks/months and whether or not my hairline stays high. I do not relish the thought of having to always go to a hairdresser as it's expensive and I just don't have that kind of money so may not consider a fringe; and may consider hair extensions to thicken the hair in that area that I can use to camouflage my forehead some or at least make my hair look less thin.
I have more movement back in my forehead though my scalp still feels sore where the staples and incisions were. I guess these will take some time to heal.
There is some dry skin by my upper eyelid incision area which I am leaving alone to come off by itself as it doesn't when I wash it and I don't want to use cotton wool in the area just in case any incisions are still open. Occasionally it hurts a little or rather smarts.
I still have a smallish purple bruise on my left upper eyelid which my best friend noticed yesterday in spite of me using make up - hmmm. I only used minimal make up and hardly any around my eyes as I didn't want to put anything on them.
Tomorrow when I'm back at work, again I'll wear minimal make up and no mascara as that just seems to open up my eyes more and make the eyelid crease very noticeable (eeek). It feels so strange to have full eyelids. It looks like I have make up on my eyes with these new eyelids and I don't. I will wear my glasses to camouflage my eyes and hope that with my glasses and fringe, it'll take away the attention from my eyes and people will leave me alone.
No more late nights and going to sleep at 4am, 5am, 6am etc :)
I'm feeling very nervous about people seeing me in my wig (eeeek) for the first time as I've never worn a wig before and would hate for it to be obvious that it's a wig; though if I tweak it properly and put the hair behind my ears, it does look like my own natural hair as it's the same length as my own natural hair ie a couple of inches below the bust line and has the same shaggy look (grins) as my natural hair - coincidence perhaps; and the fringe looks just like I used to wear it all those years ago and so is the parting. The hair colour is just a little different as it has highlights. I can always say my best friend's daughter is training to be a hairdresser and has asked to use me as a guinea pig and I've agree and that my looks will keep changing over the weeks/months as she tries out various things on me.
I'm hoping that the wig will help take the attention away from my eyes as the wig if obviously much bigger than my eyes and will take center attention (eeek) and as I have a fringe, that will hide my high hairline while my natural hair grows in the thinning areas and also take away the look from my eyes as I now have eyelids, ie proper eyelids whereas before, being half Chinese and half English, I only had smallish eyelids which looked sleepy. My best friend says I no longer have that sleepy look in my eyes and she really likes it. I'm still fairly overwhelmed by it and especially looking at my new eyes in the mirror in different lighting other than home which is fairly dark, compared to the shopping mall and work, where there are lots of lights overhead everywhere in the building.
I usually bump into people I haven't seen for ages on the 5th floor at work and have been thinking that for a few months I'll take a different route to go to the fifth floor (where I have to pick up foreign exchange, tickets, send couriers and pick up presentations from the copy center etc) so that I can avoid bumping into people and avoid unwanted attention and unwanted conversations. I need to get over the overwhelm I feel currently before I'm ready to deal with unwanted awkward questions and stares, which make me feel very uncomfortable. Thank goodness the wig looks natural (if tweaked properly) and if I feel comfortable wearing it, knowing that it won't slip nor look weird throughout a 10 hour day at work, nor itch etc, then I'm all set.
I feel a little like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie with his wig (smiles). I feel like I'm playing a role (grins) while I'm healing in the background, ready for the big reveal when the time is right.
I did a search on the internet for hair extensions and came across a hairdressing company in Central London which deals with hair extensions both fashion wise and for hair loss. http://www.markglenn.com/fashion.htm Right now my hair thinning looks like some of the real life hair pictures in the hair loss section (eek). Fairly costly to have fixed though knowing that it can be fixed is a godsend. Maintenance for hair loss is every 6-8 weeks and the hair loss costs are much higher than the fashion hair extension costs. I may consider it - depending on how my hair grows and repairs itself over the next few weeks/months and whether or not my hairline stays high. I do not relish the thought of having to always go to a hairdresser as it's expensive and I just don't have that kind of money so may not consider a fringe; and may consider hair extensions to thicken the hair in that area that I can use to camouflage my forehead some or at least make my hair look less thin.
I have more movement back in my forehead though my scalp still feels sore where the staples and incisions were. I guess these will take some time to heal.
There is some dry skin by my upper eyelid incision area which I am leaving alone to come off by itself as it doesn't when I wash it and I don't want to use cotton wool in the area just in case any incisions are still open. Occasionally it hurts a little or rather smarts.
I still have a smallish purple bruise on my left upper eyelid which my best friend noticed yesterday in spite of me using make up - hmmm. I only used minimal make up and hardly any around my eyes as I didn't want to put anything on them.
Tomorrow when I'm back at work, again I'll wear minimal make up and no mascara as that just seems to open up my eyes more and make the eyelid crease very noticeable (eeek). It feels so strange to have full eyelids. It looks like I have make up on my eyes with these new eyelids and I don't. I will wear my glasses to camouflage my eyes and hope that with my glasses and fringe, it'll take away the attention from my eyes and people will leave me alone.
No more late nights and going to sleep at 4am, 5am, 6am etc :)
Monday, December 26, 2005
Day 21 post surgery : Mon 26 Dec 05
Day 20 post surgery - Sun 25th Dec 05 - no make up and high hairline. Now that the red area has disappeared from my left eye, it's more obvious that there is lower eyelid retraction (and strangely is more noticeable when I wear mascara).
Day 21 post surgery, with mascara and eyeline on lower lids; and a wig to hide high forehead line and high eyebrows.
Today I decided to go to Thurrock Lakeside to look for either hair extensions or a wig. Mom didn't want to go and I decided to ask my best friend instead, who was free. My hair looks extremely thin, fine and flat as a pancake and it's really difficult to hide the thinning patches where the incisions are.
Suzy Wigs at Thurrock Lakeside is the store we headed for, which I found on the internet last nite. Bluewater no longer has any wig stores which must have closed down. The lady at the counter showed me some human hair extensions and asked me what I wanted to use it for. I removed my winter hat and told her that I'd had a brow lift recently and the intent was to thicken my hair and hide the thinning patches. She said the extensions wouldn't do the job as it was mainly to lengthen hair and not quite meant for the front of the scalp. She recommended I perhaps try some wigs instead, and my friend encouraged me, so that is what I did.
The lady headed for a wig that was exactly the same colour as my hair is currently and also is the same length. What are the odds of that happening hey? Anyway, she puts it on for me and my friend is over the moon and keeps saying how wonderful I look in it; as does the lady in the shop. I'm not so sure as this was the first time I'm seeing myself with mascara and in shop lighting and I'm totally shocked by what I see as all I can see are huge eyes and eyes that look like they have eye make up on and all I have is a bit of mascara and a little eyeliner on the bottom of my lower eyelids. And the hair was thick which is so different from my own. I was just in shock as it felt like I was looking at a total stranger in the mirror.
Anyway my friend couldn't sing enough praises as to how wonderful the wig looked and said it looked really natural and that no one would be able to tell. It was a lot for me to take in as I'd never in my entire life worn a wig till then (oh apart from the recent Halloween bash!). My friend wears wigs all the time and I can never tell when it's a wig or if it's a new hair style.
I asked how much it was and the lady said £230 (ouch!). It wasn't real human hair as that cost £435 (double ouch). I looked around the shop to see if there were any other styles I liked, and tried on a couple but nah, they didn't look as good as the one I'd tried on first. I ended up getting it in spite of my friend trying to talk me out of it as it was so expensive as I wasn't up to driving around for hours trying to find something else more suitable. Money is only an energy exchange. My friend suggested I wear the wig out of the shop which I did and it felt weird to begin with and then it started to feel like I was wearing a hat. I did get a few funny looks at first until I put my hair behind my ears when it started to look a bit more natural.
Oh, this was the first time my friend had seen my eyes and I felt really uncomfortable as she scoured my entire face and then said she noticed the difference in my eyes which looked like they had make up on because of the crease and said she liked it. I asked if it was really noticeable and she said yeah but that she liked it. I said perhaps cos she was aware I'd had surgery she could tell re my eye lid crease. She did say my brow was too high and that the area between my eyebrows and eyes was also a little too high, which I agree with and can't wait for it to drop. She did agree my hair was flat and that my hairline had increased ie gone further up my scalp - eeek!
When I got home I realised that the last 6-7 inches of my hair looks like it's been permed as it's all dry and matted. My hair is my pride and joy and everyone has always marvelled at my hair for it's shine and length; and now I feel I've lost my pride and joy in that my hairline has increased up my scalp and the quality of my hair ie shine has been lost. If the permed look doesn't wash off in a few weeks, I may end up having to lose 6-7 inches of my hair if not more and that took me years to grow. (sniffles). Right now goodness only knows how long it will take for my thin patches to grow out and if my hairline will ever return to normal.
I was upset today cos now that the red blood area has disappeared from my left eye, the lower left eyelid retraction is much more noticeable (which I had suspected may happen); and it's the first thing my friend mentioned when she saw my eyes, ie that she could still see my lump, though it was much smaller; and that the left eye was still bigger than the right eye but that the sleepy look had disappeared. She also noticed that my eyelash (left) now curled up whereas before it was flat.
So today was a disappointing day in losing the beauty of my hair (which I hope is temporary), if not I'll have to cut and start again (sniffles) and in noticing that my lower left eyelid droop is still very much noticeable.
I was excited to see my mother's reaction to my wig; and to see if she could tell if it was a wig; so I drove over to see her. I was a little taken aback to see my father there as I hadn't seen him for 5 years, nor spoken to him in that time. He'd heard about my surgery and the first thing he said when he saw me was that nothing had changed about my eyes. Hey?! Ah well. Men hey?! I asked him about my hair and he asked if I'd had hair extensions put in - probably asked that cos my hair looks thicker. I'm sure my mom knows it's a wig! Eeek.
Anyway I'm really tired as it's been a long day and I'm going to take a nice long hot bath and get some sleep.
My friend did hit a few nerves when I mentioned to her that I may consider other surgeries (which I knew she would, though was hoping she wouldn't). Ie her comments were along the lines of oh Indi, are you now becoming a surgery junkie, you don't need x, y, z as there is nothing wrong with you etc etc ..... Why did I even think she'd change the tune and be supportive instead of judgemental? I still feel unsupported cos of it and upset though that's her to a T. She'll never change her patterns. (sighs). She then started going on into a lecture about how more and more people are having plastic surgery, to which I replied, that is because it is now becoming more accessible - if people are unhappy with how they look and it affects their self esteem, ie cos they have protruding ears or a big nose that people keep commenting on and making fun of or just cos they personally feel really unhappy about, then why begrudge those people having cosmetic surgery and why comment that they are vain? I guess the ignorant will always be ignorant until they are educated.
I did watch one plastic surgery programme a couple of days ago where a woman who was about 32 years old and had lost about 6 stones, and was left with breasts that looked like oranges in a sock and sagging skin on her stomach, was about to undergo a tummy tuck and a breast lift. She said that her whole life she had always strongly believed that those who went for plastic surgery were no more than fools with too much money to spend and too vain and who didn't want to work hard for good bodies etc; and now she said she realises how wrong she was about it all and after her surgery she said that she had never felt so good about herself in her whole life now that she'd had her surgery to fix the areas that she'd hated. Her end thoughts were "never say never".
Day 20 post surgery : 25 Dec 05
Last nite I used lots of Lacrilube and slept well, without eyes tearing, thankfully. Though I did wake up with dry eyes and blurry vision which lasts for a while. It feels like I've slept the whole night with my eyes open, which I probably have and probably do do.
I'd wrapped my hair in wrap as I'd used some hair oil which supposedly strengtens hair and then washed it again, followed by blow drying and hair straightening to see how my hair looks like. I think I didn't wash out the oil too much as the hair style seemed a little flat and it took ages to find the right parting, as I can't use my normal side parting as there's a V shaped incision area right by my normal side parting (sighs). I may have to center part my hair for a while or find an alternate. My hairline also seems a little high and I've always my whole life tried to hide my forehead with a fringe of sorts as it's always felt large to me. You'd think now that I've had a brow lift I'd be ok about it though nope, I still feel self conscious about my high hairline.
I was looking at Angelina Jolie on tv yesterday and she too has a high hairline as does Helen Hunt; though theirs suits them as they don't have fine thin hair like I do. I guess their hair is always well groomed professionally before they appear on their tv movies :) which makes all the difference. I may wander to Bluewater mall tomorrow and see if they have any clip on hair extensions at the wig store. It'll help hide the bald (eek) spots while they heal. I cringe at the use of the word bald though that's what it is I guess. Or thinning area. I hope the hair does grow back. Either that or I'll be permanently changing my hair parting to hide the thinning area.
Still some bruising under eyes (yellowish/green) and purplish on my upper eyelids. My upper eyelid incisions still feel tender at times and when I wash my face I daren't rub too hard as it hurts and I'm very gentle. There's some dry skin there that won't go away and I daren't rub too hard cos it stings and I'd rather wait till they naturally wash off. When I wash my eyelids (shut), it feels weird as before I didn't really have that much double eyelids and now I do. Remember I am part Chinese and part English and though I had some eyelid crease before, it wasn't that much. It's like I've gone from part Chinese/part English to perhaps fully English - eyelid crease wise. I'm still getting used to touching it as it feels different.
My scalp still feels sore where the staples and incisions are and I guess that will remain so until they fully heal which may take a few weeks. I have to be careful when I comb my hair as it's sore and the metal parts of the comb could rub on the incision area (ouch).
I'd wrapped my hair in wrap as I'd used some hair oil which supposedly strengtens hair and then washed it again, followed by blow drying and hair straightening to see how my hair looks like. I think I didn't wash out the oil too much as the hair style seemed a little flat and it took ages to find the right parting, as I can't use my normal side parting as there's a V shaped incision area right by my normal side parting (sighs). I may have to center part my hair for a while or find an alternate. My hairline also seems a little high and I've always my whole life tried to hide my forehead with a fringe of sorts as it's always felt large to me. You'd think now that I've had a brow lift I'd be ok about it though nope, I still feel self conscious about my high hairline.
I was looking at Angelina Jolie on tv yesterday and she too has a high hairline as does Helen Hunt; though theirs suits them as they don't have fine thin hair like I do. I guess their hair is always well groomed professionally before they appear on their tv movies :) which makes all the difference. I may wander to Bluewater mall tomorrow and see if they have any clip on hair extensions at the wig store. It'll help hide the bald (eek) spots while they heal. I cringe at the use of the word bald though that's what it is I guess. Or thinning area. I hope the hair does grow back. Either that or I'll be permanently changing my hair parting to hide the thinning area.
Still some bruising under eyes (yellowish/green) and purplish on my upper eyelids. My upper eyelid incisions still feel tender at times and when I wash my face I daren't rub too hard as it hurts and I'm very gentle. There's some dry skin there that won't go away and I daren't rub too hard cos it stings and I'd rather wait till they naturally wash off. When I wash my eyelids (shut), it feels weird as before I didn't really have that much double eyelids and now I do. Remember I am part Chinese and part English and though I had some eyelid crease before, it wasn't that much. It's like I've gone from part Chinese/part English to perhaps fully English - eyelid crease wise. I'm still getting used to touching it as it feels different.
My scalp still feels sore where the staples and incisions are and I guess that will remain so until they fully heal which may take a few weeks. I have to be careful when I comb my hair as it's sore and the metal parts of the comb could rub on the incision area (ouch).
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Day 19 post surgery : Sat 24 Dec 05
It was a rough night sleeping as I had a fair amount of secondary tearing, ie my left eye this time teared almost constantly while I was sleeping which caused a lot of irritation and discomfort. I probably didn't use enough Lacrilube last nite. I'm also experimenting with the new natural tears ie the Cellusivc from Boots, which are preservative free and the Hyal-drops which arrived this morning, most impressedly, also preservative free. The Hyal-Drops however only provide about 2 drops per eye and the vial is empty which makes it very expensive if one is to use it up to 6 times a day. I think the cost of the individual sachets works out to aprox 40p per vial.
My eyes were stinging most of the day especially the left eye; and when I used the Hyal-drop, the stinging eased up. It's early days yet to tell which I prefer and which will work out the most economical. Probably the Hyal-drops as I can purchase 12 packets online at £7.40 per pack of 20 vials. Works out expensive though I think it will last about 6 months. We'll see how it goes and I'll monitor the situation. Now that I know that the original natural tears I've been using for years contains preservatives, it makes me think twice; especially as a lot of dry eye sites recommend not using natural tears with preservatives.
Was bummed to wake up to a reminder that I'd forgotten to pay my Congestion Charge when I had my consult with Jane. £50 penalty. Ouch! I was so tired that night, I completely forgot to pay it. (sighs). I felt frustrated and it hurt as it's another unnecessary cost; though these things happen and I need to breathe as money is just an exchange of energy at the end of the day :). What I spend, returns to me thousand fold (smiles).
Washed my hair today without any staples or stitches and it felt good though smart some as some of the incicision sites are still not closed and my head/scalp area is still tender and numb with some swollen areas. I have to be careful to comb my hair gently as there are incision lines still not closed up yet and feeling tender. I dried and straightened my hair though I'm still frustrated to see that I can't side part my hair as I always do as that's where one of the incision lines is and somehow not too much hair there (arrgh). So I may have to either change from left to right side parting or go center parting for a while. Errrggh! My forehead is somehow higher or rather my hairline is higher and I feel a little uncomfortable about that. I've always had a large forehead since I was a child (used to get teased about it) and I'm tempted to go back to having a fringe though that defeats the object and besides I'm too old now to be having fringes again (it takes a bit of maintenance :)). Another thing to keep an eye on. I'll see how it goes next week when I return to work.
Or maybe I jsut need a new haircut to go with my new forehead(?). Food for thought. Some strands of hair are noticeable cut short (don't know what that happened) and are sticking out at the top of my head. (sniffles).
Today my eyes have been the biggest concern and source of discomfort. My vision has been blurry most of today.
I meant to go to the store to get some food in for Christmas though I wasn't in the mood as my eyes hurt so much and ended up not going anywhere, especially when I saw the congestion charge fine of £50. So no christmas dinner in for x'mas, which is fine as my appetite has gone. I'm tired of eating as all I've done for 3 weeks is eat; and if I had gone out to the store, I'd have bought food that was rich and luxurious and that I don't really want; and put on more weight that I don't need. I'm happy to stick to eating whatever is in the freezer and cooking whatever my instincts say they want, which is something light like rice porridge with prawns, sesame oil, soy sauce, sweetcorn and vegetable stock.
My eyes were stinging most of the day especially the left eye; and when I used the Hyal-drop, the stinging eased up. It's early days yet to tell which I prefer and which will work out the most economical. Probably the Hyal-drops as I can purchase 12 packets online at £7.40 per pack of 20 vials. Works out expensive though I think it will last about 6 months. We'll see how it goes and I'll monitor the situation. Now that I know that the original natural tears I've been using for years contains preservatives, it makes me think twice; especially as a lot of dry eye sites recommend not using natural tears with preservatives.
Was bummed to wake up to a reminder that I'd forgotten to pay my Congestion Charge when I had my consult with Jane. £50 penalty. Ouch! I was so tired that night, I completely forgot to pay it. (sighs). I felt frustrated and it hurt as it's another unnecessary cost; though these things happen and I need to breathe as money is just an exchange of energy at the end of the day :). What I spend, returns to me thousand fold (smiles).
Washed my hair today without any staples or stitches and it felt good though smart some as some of the incicision sites are still not closed and my head/scalp area is still tender and numb with some swollen areas. I have to be careful to comb my hair gently as there are incision lines still not closed up yet and feeling tender. I dried and straightened my hair though I'm still frustrated to see that I can't side part my hair as I always do as that's where one of the incision lines is and somehow not too much hair there (arrgh). So I may have to either change from left to right side parting or go center parting for a while. Errrggh! My forehead is somehow higher or rather my hairline is higher and I feel a little uncomfortable about that. I've always had a large forehead since I was a child (used to get teased about it) and I'm tempted to go back to having a fringe though that defeats the object and besides I'm too old now to be having fringes again (it takes a bit of maintenance :)). Another thing to keep an eye on. I'll see how it goes next week when I return to work.
Or maybe I jsut need a new haircut to go with my new forehead(?). Food for thought. Some strands of hair are noticeable cut short (don't know what that happened) and are sticking out at the top of my head. (sniffles).
Today my eyes have been the biggest concern and source of discomfort. My vision has been blurry most of today.
I meant to go to the store to get some food in for Christmas though I wasn't in the mood as my eyes hurt so much and ended up not going anywhere, especially when I saw the congestion charge fine of £50. So no christmas dinner in for x'mas, which is fine as my appetite has gone. I'm tired of eating as all I've done for 3 weeks is eat; and if I had gone out to the store, I'd have bought food that was rich and luxurious and that I don't really want; and put on more weight that I don't need. I'm happy to stick to eating whatever is in the freezer and cooking whatever my instincts say they want, which is something light like rice porridge with prawns, sesame oil, soy sauce, sweetcorn and vegetable stock.
Day 18 post surgery : Friday 23 Dec 05
Another hectic day today - my sleeping hours are erratic!! Fell asleep at 5am and didn't wake till 1pm - slept straight through even though I'd set the alarm clock for 8am - I just didn't hear it. So the day was a little somewhat wasted.
Went to Bluewater Shopping Center late afternoon, with the intent of getting some self activating heat pads from Blacks camping store http://www.blacks.co.uk. though they didn't have them. I went to Boots Chemist http://www.boots.co.uk and asked at the pharmacy whetehr they had any natural tears that were preservative free. A young man who wasn't very experienced was at the counter and he kept going back and forth to ask his supervisors about this and I ended up being there a very long time, though I perservered and eventually got my results (smiles) as one of the pharmacists mentioned that they did stock individually packed preservative free natural tears though they were fairly expensive.
I had recently purchased some online last nite - will share link later as off the top of my head I can't recall what they were - and he gave me a choice of two - one was Celluvisc preservative free and the other was Liquifilm Tears preservative free, individually wrapped - 30 per packet. Celluvisc was £10.99 I believe and Liquifilm Tears was £9.99 or thereabouts. I looked at the ingredients and Liquifilm containted Alcohol and I prefered the ingredients of Celluvisc which contains Carmellose sodium - which to me kinda resembled salt.
I've been using Tears Naturale for years and hadn't realised they contained preservatives. Read on the internet somewhere that it's preferable to use natural tears that are preservative free. Tears Naturale cost about £4 thereabouts if not £4.75 per bottle that lasts a month.
I asked the young man behind the counter if when I opened up one individual sachet and hadn't used the full contents whether I could keep the rest in a fridge for 24 hours instead of throwing it away. He went to ask though came back with an answer that didn't make sense and I gathered he had probably forgotten the question by the time he asked his supervisors. I do recall speaking to one lady in the waiting room at the hospital during my first consult with Jane Olver and she gave me one of her sachets, saying that she usually kept one for a full day before discarding it fully and I think I've read on the internet somewhere that it's ok to do the same thing; otherwise it's such a waste of money to use just one drop of a sachet and discard it.
Shopped around a little more at Bluewater and just as we were about to leave, we stumbled across a store that was selling self activating heat packs (smiles) - just what I was looking for!! I purchased 4, 2 small ones which I intend to use as heat packs for my eyes at work when needed, as I read on the internet (and also the lady from MMH (sorrie can't 'remember name right now) - mentioned that warm compress on eyes helps with dry eyes); and two larger ones to help with period pains. http://www.heliosheater.com.
Was exhausted when I got back home and couldn't keep my eyes open and fell asleep for an hour or so. During this time even though I'd used the Celluvisc tears, I suffered from secondary tearing in my right eye while I slept which was very uncomfortable. The eye just tears while I'm sleeping and it's hot and painful and it's like it's crying a full set of tears over and over; and when I eventually woke up, my right eye was red and sore and still is. (sniffles).
I have a few pictures to post though they'll have to wait till later as it's time consuming to post pictures and my eyes are smarting too much right now to do so and I just want to go wash them under cool water. I think maybe the central heating was a little too high when I fell asleep at 21 degrees C.
On Day 18 post surgery and a lot of the movement in my forehead is returning. I'm able to move my brows more now slowly day by day, my brows are no longer as high, whew, thankfully - I'm only saying that as I had a little of that "suprised" look with my brows so high up (grins) and now it is beginning to look more normal; and the crease is returning slowly to my upper eyelids; meaning they were high before as they were swollen and now they're slowly coming down to give my upper eyelids a crease which is giving me a normal look, and I'm thrilled (smiles).
Each day when I look at the mirror at my eyes, I'm now finally after a year of such pain and unhappiness and tears, able to hold my head up high and smile as I'm really thrilled with the way my uppers and forehead is looking. Thank you Jane Olver for giving me my life back!! I never thought it was possible to be able to look in the mirror and be able to smile at the way my eyes were. One eye looked larger than the other for 12 months cos of the first surgeon's poor work and I wore his mistakes on my face every single day and in spite of telling him how bad I felt and how unhappy I was with his work on my eyes, he didn't really have much to say, just cos he didn't know what to do to fix it. I do feel angry with him still for the pain and humiliation caused by the way my eyes looked ie disfigured, for the past 12 months, though at least now Jane has given me my life back and though my lowers still need reconstructing, her work has been so great I think (need to wait till the red blood area has fully disappeared to see my left eye results fully) I can live with the lowers needing reconstruction for the next few months and hold my head up high when I go back to work.
I'm even seriously considering no longer wearing my glasses at work which I've been using to hide behind the past 12 months as I'm so thrilled with my results (smiles). It's been a great Christmas present. My happiness is going to spread at work and I know my work colleagues are going to be thrilled for me especially when they pick up on my energy as I'll be able to look them in the eye, be more self confident, and happier in my work and it'll be contagious. Thanks to Jane Olver (smiles).
Went to Bluewater Shopping Center late afternoon, with the intent of getting some self activating heat pads from Blacks camping store http://www.blacks.co.uk. though they didn't have them. I went to Boots Chemist http://www.boots.co.uk and asked at the pharmacy whetehr they had any natural tears that were preservative free. A young man who wasn't very experienced was at the counter and he kept going back and forth to ask his supervisors about this and I ended up being there a very long time, though I perservered and eventually got my results (smiles) as one of the pharmacists mentioned that they did stock individually packed preservative free natural tears though they were fairly expensive.
I had recently purchased some online last nite - will share link later as off the top of my head I can't recall what they were - and he gave me a choice of two - one was Celluvisc preservative free and the other was Liquifilm Tears preservative free, individually wrapped - 30 per packet. Celluvisc was £10.99 I believe and Liquifilm Tears was £9.99 or thereabouts. I looked at the ingredients and Liquifilm containted Alcohol and I prefered the ingredients of Celluvisc which contains Carmellose sodium - which to me kinda resembled salt.
I've been using Tears Naturale for years and hadn't realised they contained preservatives. Read on the internet somewhere that it's preferable to use natural tears that are preservative free. Tears Naturale cost about £4 thereabouts if not £4.75 per bottle that lasts a month.
I asked the young man behind the counter if when I opened up one individual sachet and hadn't used the full contents whether I could keep the rest in a fridge for 24 hours instead of throwing it away. He went to ask though came back with an answer that didn't make sense and I gathered he had probably forgotten the question by the time he asked his supervisors. I do recall speaking to one lady in the waiting room at the hospital during my first consult with Jane Olver and she gave me one of her sachets, saying that she usually kept one for a full day before discarding it fully and I think I've read on the internet somewhere that it's ok to do the same thing; otherwise it's such a waste of money to use just one drop of a sachet and discard it.
Shopped around a little more at Bluewater and just as we were about to leave, we stumbled across a store that was selling self activating heat packs (smiles) - just what I was looking for!! I purchased 4, 2 small ones which I intend to use as heat packs for my eyes at work when needed, as I read on the internet (and also the lady from MMH (sorrie can't 'remember name right now) - mentioned that warm compress on eyes helps with dry eyes); and two larger ones to help with period pains. http://www.heliosheater.com.
Was exhausted when I got back home and couldn't keep my eyes open and fell asleep for an hour or so. During this time even though I'd used the Celluvisc tears, I suffered from secondary tearing in my right eye while I slept which was very uncomfortable. The eye just tears while I'm sleeping and it's hot and painful and it's like it's crying a full set of tears over and over; and when I eventually woke up, my right eye was red and sore and still is. (sniffles).
I have a few pictures to post though they'll have to wait till later as it's time consuming to post pictures and my eyes are smarting too much right now to do so and I just want to go wash them under cool water. I think maybe the central heating was a little too high when I fell asleep at 21 degrees C.
On Day 18 post surgery and a lot of the movement in my forehead is returning. I'm able to move my brows more now slowly day by day, my brows are no longer as high, whew, thankfully - I'm only saying that as I had a little of that "suprised" look with my brows so high up (grins) and now it is beginning to look more normal; and the crease is returning slowly to my upper eyelids; meaning they were high before as they were swollen and now they're slowly coming down to give my upper eyelids a crease which is giving me a normal look, and I'm thrilled (smiles).
Each day when I look at the mirror at my eyes, I'm now finally after a year of such pain and unhappiness and tears, able to hold my head up high and smile as I'm really thrilled with the way my uppers and forehead is looking. Thank you Jane Olver for giving me my life back!! I never thought it was possible to be able to look in the mirror and be able to smile at the way my eyes were. One eye looked larger than the other for 12 months cos of the first surgeon's poor work and I wore his mistakes on my face every single day and in spite of telling him how bad I felt and how unhappy I was with his work on my eyes, he didn't really have much to say, just cos he didn't know what to do to fix it. I do feel angry with him still for the pain and humiliation caused by the way my eyes looked ie disfigured, for the past 12 months, though at least now Jane has given me my life back and though my lowers still need reconstructing, her work has been so great I think (need to wait till the red blood area has fully disappeared to see my left eye results fully) I can live with the lowers needing reconstruction for the next few months and hold my head up high when I go back to work.
I'm even seriously considering no longer wearing my glasses at work which I've been using to hide behind the past 12 months as I'm so thrilled with my results (smiles). It's been a great Christmas present. My happiness is going to spread at work and I know my work colleagues are going to be thrilled for me especially when they pick up on my energy as I'll be able to look them in the eye, be more self confident, and happier in my work and it'll be contagious. Thanks to Jane Olver (smiles).
Friday, December 23, 2005
Day 17 post surgery : Thurs 22 Dec 05
I couldn't sleep this morning cos of the dry eyes and ended up finally falling asleep at 10am in the morning till mid afternoon; and when I woke, my eyes were so blurry and dry I couldn't see a thing and it really hurt. Wiped out my whole day as I'd wanted to go to Bluewater to do a little shopping and also get a new prescription for my glasses. I took some pictures today of how my scalp looks like without the staples and errgh, quite scary to look at. I'll post later just for reference. It feels like I have holes and incisions in my head, which I do (sighs) and I can't wait for them to heal up. They do feel slightly uncomfortable from time to time especially when I touch my scalp as I can feel the holes and incisions and they do smart especially when the wounds are still open; and there's scab on some.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Day 16 post surgery (Weds 21 Dec 05) & staples/stitches out today
It's been a crazy busy day today (whew!). When I woke this morning, I developed itchiness on my forehead when I used a different hat to shield my eyes from the light and I thought I was having an allergic reaction to the cotton and couldn't figure out what was going on and then it dawned on me my nerves were regenerating and feelings were returning. It was a horrendous experience as all I wanted to do was scratch and it was so uncomfortable. Though thankfully I thought to ice it and when I did, whew, it was such a relief and instant! Bliss!!
I decided to drive to Harley Street instead of chancing it through London peak hour traffic on the trains; and made it though I was 10 mins late as a man in the street and myself couldn't figure out how to use the parking meter on the street; thou with our two heads together, we eventually made it, using his experience of having played with it 10 mins before I arrived and my interpretation of it!
Jane was running a few mins late so I was good time wise. She was very interested in my progress and took more pictures and observing my eyes and reactions continuously as we spoke and checked out my eyes for dryness etc as eye doctors do. My left eye is still dry and red and she seemed frustrated at that, as am I, though we can only wait for it to heal. My eyes seem to be getting a little more red lately and she wanted to change medication, though funnily enough that which she prescribed me is exactly (I think) what the hospital gave me to take home!
Jane removed the staples on both sides of my head and also the threads at the front which were the worst and which bled lots. This time round thankfully the staple removal wasn't painful - halleluliah!! I think last week cos I was still early in my healing phase it hurt more and also cos the hair was being pulled a lot. Only a few strands pulled out today during the removal process - though no more than when brushing one's hair. Jane did mention today that some amount of hair is lost during brow lifts.
I did some series of eye movements for her and she noticed that my left eye blinks less easily than my right eye. I never noticed this till she mentioned it. She's got a good eye :) I asked her if my eyes will ever shut properly and she said yes; just give it time to heal.
I mentioned my upper eyelids were still feeling immobilised and she said it would for a while as I had extensive work done through the upper eyelids as the endoscope went through there and through my scalp (yikes) and would feel numb for a while. I also mentioned the forehead itchiness today and she said that would happen for a while. Oh no! (grins). I'm dreading it happening at work as today when it happened it was a shock to my system, like I was having an elliptic fit or something or an allergic reaction. My whole forehead area on the left went red, like I was having an allergic reaction thou completely went when I iced the area and I haven't felt it since thankfully!!
I also mentioned that my eyes teared while I was sleeping and she said this was secondary tearing and that she'd prescribe me something for it (though now that I've seen the medication it seems the same as what the hospital prescribed; though she's asking me to use it twice instead of once a day - once at night and once in the morning). I forgot to ask her if I can use it with Lacrilube as the new cream (I'll post the name shortly) doesn't seem to last long. It also blurs my eyesight and that concerns me if I need to use it in the morning as I drive. It also tends to cling to my eyelashes and makes my eyes look wet and goey at times - perhaps cos I use too much? Maybe. I'll ask the chemist tomorrow if I can use both lacrilube and the new ointment. Jane did mention that she could insert an eye plug if needed. She said she could do it there and then in her office - hmm I'll have to look up into this as I thought one needed an operation to put in an eye plug. http://www.edinburgh-eyetests.co.uk/dry_eyes.htm re an article on eye plugs.
I also asked if/when I could start acupuncture and/or semi permanent brow make up and she said immediately though I don't think she realises too much about how permanet brow make up works and I think I'll wait till my swelling reduces. She said I could now return to normality. I think she thinks brow make up is normal make up and doesn't realise it's permanent (smiles) and is based on the brow's natural shape.
She asked me what I thought of my eyes and brows and I mentioned that since the brow lift my eyebrows appear more sparse which is why I was considering the permanent eyebrow make up; though overall I was very happy with the way my eyes looked. She did say my eyebrow level would not stay as high as it is now and would drop a little and I'm glad as in some ways I do have a little "surprised" look in that my eyebrows seem a bit too high; thou I'm not sure if that's cos my eyebrows are indeed too sparse and I've overplucked them in my lack of knowledge of plucking and shaping eyebrows; hence wanting to go see a professional. I like the look of high arch eyebrows and wonder if my face and shape can cater to this. I'll make an appt to go see Deborah in Harley Street in the next few weeks once my swelling is down. For the moment temporarily I can always use an eyebrow pencil to add more definition.
Jane wants to see me 6 weeks post op and my next appt is on 20th Jan 06.
The drive to and from Harley Street exhausted me as it's the first time in 16 days I have been in the car so long; and after supper promptly fell asleep. I just got up and made an extra special effort to journal my thoughts while they are still fresh.
Met with Jane's secretary for the second time when I had to make another appt and she seems nice in person; though has to work in cramped conditions in a small office. I guess that's normal for Harley Street as years ago I worked in similar offices near St James' Park and those old buildings do have small rooms with extortionate rent rates. One pays for the location. Jane's secretary seemed to like the outcome of my surgery and said it was looking good (I hope she wasn't just being nice (smiles)) though it didn't seem to be so.
I decided to drive to Harley Street instead of chancing it through London peak hour traffic on the trains; and made it though I was 10 mins late as a man in the street and myself couldn't figure out how to use the parking meter on the street; thou with our two heads together, we eventually made it, using his experience of having played with it 10 mins before I arrived and my interpretation of it!
Jane was running a few mins late so I was good time wise. She was very interested in my progress and took more pictures and observing my eyes and reactions continuously as we spoke and checked out my eyes for dryness etc as eye doctors do. My left eye is still dry and red and she seemed frustrated at that, as am I, though we can only wait for it to heal. My eyes seem to be getting a little more red lately and she wanted to change medication, though funnily enough that which she prescribed me is exactly (I think) what the hospital gave me to take home!
Jane removed the staples on both sides of my head and also the threads at the front which were the worst and which bled lots. This time round thankfully the staple removal wasn't painful - halleluliah!! I think last week cos I was still early in my healing phase it hurt more and also cos the hair was being pulled a lot. Only a few strands pulled out today during the removal process - though no more than when brushing one's hair. Jane did mention today that some amount of hair is lost during brow lifts.
I did some series of eye movements for her and she noticed that my left eye blinks less easily than my right eye. I never noticed this till she mentioned it. She's got a good eye :) I asked her if my eyes will ever shut properly and she said yes; just give it time to heal.
I mentioned my upper eyelids were still feeling immobilised and she said it would for a while as I had extensive work done through the upper eyelids as the endoscope went through there and through my scalp (yikes) and would feel numb for a while. I also mentioned the forehead itchiness today and she said that would happen for a while. Oh no! (grins). I'm dreading it happening at work as today when it happened it was a shock to my system, like I was having an elliptic fit or something or an allergic reaction. My whole forehead area on the left went red, like I was having an allergic reaction thou completely went when I iced the area and I haven't felt it since thankfully!!
I also mentioned that my eyes teared while I was sleeping and she said this was secondary tearing and that she'd prescribe me something for it (though now that I've seen the medication it seems the same as what the hospital prescribed; though she's asking me to use it twice instead of once a day - once at night and once in the morning). I forgot to ask her if I can use it with Lacrilube as the new cream (I'll post the name shortly) doesn't seem to last long. It also blurs my eyesight and that concerns me if I need to use it in the morning as I drive. It also tends to cling to my eyelashes and makes my eyes look wet and goey at times - perhaps cos I use too much? Maybe. I'll ask the chemist tomorrow if I can use both lacrilube and the new ointment. Jane did mention that she could insert an eye plug if needed. She said she could do it there and then in her office - hmm I'll have to look up into this as I thought one needed an operation to put in an eye plug. http://www.edinburgh-eyetests.co.uk/dry_eyes.htm re an article on eye plugs.
I also asked if/when I could start acupuncture and/or semi permanent brow make up and she said immediately though I don't think she realises too much about how permanet brow make up works and I think I'll wait till my swelling reduces. She said I could now return to normality. I think she thinks brow make up is normal make up and doesn't realise it's permanent (smiles) and is based on the brow's natural shape.
She asked me what I thought of my eyes and brows and I mentioned that since the brow lift my eyebrows appear more sparse which is why I was considering the permanent eyebrow make up; though overall I was very happy with the way my eyes looked. She did say my eyebrow level would not stay as high as it is now and would drop a little and I'm glad as in some ways I do have a little "surprised" look in that my eyebrows seem a bit too high; thou I'm not sure if that's cos my eyebrows are indeed too sparse and I've overplucked them in my lack of knowledge of plucking and shaping eyebrows; hence wanting to go see a professional. I like the look of high arch eyebrows and wonder if my face and shape can cater to this. I'll make an appt to go see Deborah in Harley Street in the next few weeks once my swelling is down. For the moment temporarily I can always use an eyebrow pencil to add more definition.
Jane wants to see me 6 weeks post op and my next appt is on 20th Jan 06.
The drive to and from Harley Street exhausted me as it's the first time in 16 days I have been in the car so long; and after supper promptly fell asleep. I just got up and made an extra special effort to journal my thoughts while they are still fresh.
Met with Jane's secretary for the second time when I had to make another appt and she seems nice in person; though has to work in cramped conditions in a small office. I guess that's normal for Harley Street as years ago I worked in similar offices near St James' Park and those old buildings do have small rooms with extortionate rent rates. One pays for the location. Jane's secretary seemed to like the outcome of my surgery and said it was looking good (I hope she wasn't just being nice (smiles)) though it didn't seem to be so.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Day 15 post surgery : Tue 20 Dec 05
Day 15 - Y-V endo brow lift, bilateral upper eyelid reconstruction, upper left eyelash ptosis repair and upper right eyelid ptosis repair
The red blood area in my left eye is easing up thankfully. Part of me is a little concerned that when it all clears up, the lower eyelid retraction that was left by the original surgeon will be really obvious, though I think that as Jane has done such a good job with the uppers, and made the eyes look more even, removed that sleepy look in my left eye, and also gotten rid of the excess skin (dermacholasis), it's helped the overall look of my eye and hopefully will take away the attention from the left lower eyelid retraction and lump. If it does turn out that way, the next few months will be more bearable while I wait to heal from the brow lift and upper eyelid reconstruction and ptosis repair until my lower eyelid reconstruction.
A horizontal frown line reappeared on my forehead today and as mentioned previously, I was toying with the idea of botox, though only briefly, as now I've discovered Facial Rejuvenation Acupuncture (link thread on the Make Me Heal Board is http://www.makemeheal.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?t=318) as a natural holistic way to facial rejuvenation which works. Some links are:
- http://www.cartyweb.com/ancientwisdom/cosmeticacupuncture.html
- http://www.luminousbeauty.com/
- http://www.traditional-acupuncture.org.uk/
I watched a tv programme, Silicone Chicks, yesterday, where a 62 year old woman had Facial Rejuvenation Acupuncture and she looked like she was 32 years old ... it was amazing! She had bags under her eyes but her overall face look was plump and it was amazing. There's no way I'd have guessed she was 62. She looked great! I did some research and there's a holistic acupuncturist a couple of streets away from me which I'll go to, if they do do Facial Rejuvenation Acupuncture. They recommend a series of 12 treatments, treating the body as a whole, and it's £50 approx per treatment. Results start to show from the 6th or 7th treatment.
I'm excited to see my final reveal when all the swelling is down and also especially when I can finally wear my hair normally as I haven't been able to cos of the staples. I may have to change my hair parting to center parting instead of the side which I have done for years (this will confuse folks at work (grins)). I am excited about how my upper left eyelash will turn out as for the past 12 months due to my last surgery, I developed eyelash ptosis whereas the eyelash would not curl up per normal; and to see both eyelashes on both eyes be normal again would be absolutely wonderful. It may sound so trivial re eyelash curling up, though it has felt very abnormal and upsetting the past year to see my left eyelash not curl up as I feel disfigured cos of it. Every day putting on make up would be a constant reminder of the surgery gone wrong.
I still can't raise my upper eyelids much, though it's getting better slightly. This is probably cos of the ptosis repair and also cos the upper eyelid incision areas were used to do the endo brow lift - and is still numb.
I do feel very vulnerable showing pictures of my forehead as well as my eyes, considering I'm trying to be low profile. I will consider just showing my eyes for a while and occasionally showing my brow - then again this is a brow blog (arrrghhh!) :) We'll see how it goes!
Day 15 post surgery and I still get a little emotional and tearful from time to time. It just sort of comes on and the tears start to flow when I'm watching tv. I just let it happen and go with the flow.
Don't quite like the feeling that I'm putting on a little excess weight with all this sitting around and eating and not being able to exercise though as I have low blood pressure, I'm eating just to keep my weight normalised as I'm usually underweight. I'd rather be safe than sorry right now and when things are back to normal I'm sure I can lose all the 4-6 pounds I've put on in the past 3 weeks.
I was thinking about liposuction the other day (smiles). It's in my thoughts though that's where it'll stay for a while as I can use exercise to rid the flabby areas and the areas that have been stubborn my whole life, ie inner thighs and under arms (even though I'm skinny) can wait perhaps till 2007. I am amazed I'm planning so far in advance in that I've got my schedule for the past 2 years worked out - in needing to work lots of overtime for the next 24 months to help pay off my surgery fees; and no holidays and no luxuries. It's a good job I don't drink nor smoke. My only luxuries are eating organic foods and having organic paraben free cosmetics and skin care products. It's a simple life for me the next 2 years; though if my eyes are fixed and I can smile when I look in the mirror, like I'm doing now, that's priceless :)
Monday, December 19, 2005
Day 14 post surgery : Mon 19 Dec 05
Pix 1 above - Taken before any eye surgery (Nov 04)
Pix 2 - taken after 1st surgery complications approximately April 05. Lots of excess skin on upper eyelids, ptosis repair incomplete on left upper eyelid, note difference in left eye to right eye, especially lower eyelid retraction, and the lump (which can't be seen in this pix as the flash was on). I didn't realise then that when I smiled, fatty tissue protruded, as per pix 3
Pix 3 - Taken 19 Dec 05, after recent 5 Dec 05 upper eyelid reconstruction, smiling, to show lump and fatty area (this was there before this 5 Dec 05 surgery and was a result of the first surgery complications, which the original surgeon did not know how to repair, in spite of a revision surgery July 05 - he went in, said he saw nothing, and did nothing during the surgery)
Pix 4 - Taken 19 Dec 05, showing lower eyes hollow, & lump still shows under left eyelid, caused by first surgery gone wrong by the other surgeon. Pix taken deliberately not smiling
Pictures of lower eyelid hollows, to finally be able to show the lumpy bump I've had for the past 12 months since my original bleph gone wrong. Turn the flash off!!! Doh! :)
Pix 1 is before any surgery - note how I have no lumpy areas.
Pix 2 is after my first surgery gone wrong. It breaks my heart to even see the pix now.
Pix 3 is smiling to show the darn fatty areas that were never there before, and also shows the lump more when I smile on left side.
Pix 4 is taken not smiling, to show the hollows, and the lumpy bump also shows up when not smiling. Apparently when I talk, the lump is very prominent, and looks like how it does when I smile (sighs)
So as you can see, I have a way to go yet in my lower eyelid reconstruction and will have to live with my first and second surgery disaster from my first surgeon, until Jane is able to reconstruct my lower eyelids (when I'm healed from this surgery) and also do the Coleman Fat Transfer (if it is needed) - Janes says she can try some fat repositioning in the tear trough area though doesn't think there is enough fat - we'll have to wait and see. It would save money and be one less surgery.
Looking at the pictures above especially Pix 2 brings up feelings of anger towards my first surgeon and reminders of all I've been through the past year, and him trying to pacify me saying that it'll heal in time. DOH!! With my left eye looking half asleep for the past year and a lower eyelid retraction with a lump that stands out a mile? Ok, enough said as I don't want to continue to fester on thoughts of his bad work. It shouldn't be allowed that surgeons do bodge jobs on people's faces.
Pix taken last nite 18th Dec 05, shows the incision line that I found last nite on the side of my head, and some areas where the staples were removed. So obviously I do have incision lines, as otherwise how would they have gotten inside me (grins). It was just freaky to find it! Eeek!
Now that I'm 2 weeks post surgery, I'm glad I made the effort to journal my healing journey here including pictures (it was time consuming) as I can look back, and my memory is already fuzzy, and see how far I've come and what I looked like before and after and look at my journey step by step with my journal, which I hope may help others along the way (though we're all heal at different rates).
Officially today I was scheduled to go back to work, though looking at my pictures above, I'm still very much bruised and I doubt any amount of make up could camouflage the purple bruises on my upper eyelids; though perhaps camouflage may hide the yellow bruising on my cheeks still or rather under the eyes. I still can't raise my eyes and that's dangerous in driving as it's easier to turn my head to look to my side right now than to turn my eyes which feel tight in my eye socket and to look up is ergh a no no as my eyelids feel immobilised. So I'm glad I have the extra week off.
I slept well last nite though I didn't want to go through another night of tearing so I used some Lacrilube inside my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mix the eye medications though Lacrilube is sold over the counter and I hope it's ok. It did the trick and I had no tearing and slept like a baby which was wonderful, though I had to wake up to take my pain meds and eye medication as well, which I'm still on.
I wonder what my left eye will look like once the red area disappears. The lower eyelid retraction will show up more than, as right now the red area takes away the spotlight from the lower eyelid retraction and lump. I just hope my heart doesn't sink for the next few months and that my final reveal for this brow lift and upper eyelid reconstruction will carry me through for the next few months until my lower eyelid reconstruction. If need be, and it's ok time wise, I'm happy to have my lower eyelid reconstruction surgery around Easter, which ties in with the holidays and a fair amount of my guys will be out of the office on their Easter hols (this takes away the attention on me and I can use my holiday time for the surgery).
A bit of trivia - I'm not sure how many of you are aware, it may be hard to tell from just my eyes, though I'm part Indonesian Chinese and part English. When I look at myself I do not see my Chinese side (as English is my mother tongue) and my mother's local tongue is Khek (for those who're in the know from Singapore - I note there are a few from Singapore reading in - hi guys! :)) though I don't speak Khek, and only understand it a little; and Malay was my second language in school.
When Jane first saw me, one of the first thing she asked was what my heritage or background was as she saw the Chinese in me. Some people can spot it as soon as they see me which strangely always surprises me as I really can't see the Chinese in myself - I don't know why! (grins).
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Day 13 post surgery : Sun 18 Dec 05
A close up of the staples in the shape of Y-V in my head. It was difficult for me to get a good shot with my own hand and moving my hair at the same time. This is one of the best I could do.
Thread at Make Me Heal Forum : http://www.makemeheal.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?t=122
My eyes were watering a lot this morning when sleeping. I think that my eyes didn't start watering until now is because before I was only sleeping 3-4 hours and that was interrupted sleep, with me waking up constantly to go to the bathroom, and now that my medication schedule has stopped, I'm able to stay in bed longer and sleep uninterrupted, and my eyes are starting that watering/tearing process that Jane was mentioning. I think she was a little surprised this week when I said that my eyes hadn't watered! The watering is now in both eyes. I hope this isn't a permanent thing and is only temporary as the whole point of having the upper and lower eyelid reconstruction was to heal the lagophthalmos (eyes that do not shut). It's probably a question of time and maybe won't be fully corrected until the lower eyelid reconstruction can take place.
Recuperation is very boring and repetitious. My vision is somewhat blurry still and my upper eyelids are somewhat immobilised (the endoscope (if that was the instrument used) was inserted through the upper eyelid incision lines). The sides of my forehead are a little numb, and this is where the endoscope (or whatever instrument was used) was poking around :). I look at my before and after photos and wow, I'm still amazed at the difference. I looked fairly tired and haggard before. I'm still adjusting and getting used to my new high eyebrows.
I am seriously considering getting permanent brow make up on as my eyebrows are a little on the thin side and it'd be nice to complete the final touches of the brow lift with nice eyebrows :). There are a couple of places in Harley Street - Deborah Robson Lawrence http://www.permanent-makeup.com/semi-permanent-make-up-treatments-brows.html and Dawn Craig http://www.dawncragg.com/treatments/introduction.html. I had a response from a query to Deborah Robson Lawrence, whom I've seen on tv before where she did the eyebrows of someone whom I think, if my memory serves me right, had them singed off or had an injury or something. It was a he, and I'm not sure if I was too impressed with it as it looked drawn on. Years ago I had a lump removed from my left breast and the incision line has always remained as a reminder on the Areola and I note that both the above places do Areola tatoos to put back what is missing - I wonder if they can do that for the scar which is a long thin white line - I'm sure they can ... that's food for thought :) after living with this for several years and hating the site of the scar every day and being reminded of it. I can finally let that go!
Am taking photos daily and will post them later tonite ... staying too long on the PC makes my eyes dry out and i need to keep blinking though that doesn't seem to do much with the blurry vision - it comes and goes.
My head hurt last nite where the incisions / staples were and in the areas where there is black thread. It felt very uncomfortable so today I've resumed my normal pain medication to 4 times a day instead of whenever I felt like it eg twice a day. It's made a big difference.
I was due to return to work tomorrow, 19th December, though have gotten another week's medical leave off work. If I did go back, I personally don't think I'm in a fit enough condition to drive as I can't look up properly nor move my eyes in my eye sockets without discomfort and my reactions are slow, so driving to and from work isn't safe; and I don't think I could take 8 hours in a dry atmosphere at work, especially with my low blood pressure.
I have put on some weight in these past 2 weeks (geez), and I'm hoping when I return to work and my normal schedule, it'll all come off again easily. It's easy to put on weight when all one does is eat and sleep and watch tv :) I've put on about 6 pounds I think - arrrrghhh!! Also I can't exercise (not that I have properly for a while) as I can't bend down.
I may have mentioned this before regards heating in that since my surgery, I can't seem to bear the heat anymore which is really unusual as I normally like a nice warm house with the central heating full on, though lately and even in the hospital, I prefer a nice cool room with the heating off. So strange. Hormonal perhaps? On Day 1 or 2 at the hospital, one of the nurses came into my room and claimed how cold it was in my room and proceeded to turn the heating on and strangely enough I had been sweating and hadn't notice how cold the room was. My kitties feel the cold in the house as they don't lay stretched out like they do when it's warm and instead crouch like animals do when it's cold. My eyes can't take it when it's too hot .... it's very strange. I wonder how long it'll last.
I had ordered The Waltons: The Complete Series http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0007LBM2C/026-4095649-8846868?%5Fencoding=UTF8 which arrived yesterday. It was a wonderful change to be able to watch the Waltons, which I grew up to (didn't we all?!) in the 70s, and brought back a lot of old memories, feelings and nostalgia..
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Day 12 post surgery : Sat 17 Dec 05
Thread at Make Me Heal Forum : http://www.makemeheal.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?t=122
Day 12 - Y-V Endo Brow lift, bilateral upper eyelid reconstruction, upper left eyelash ptosis repair and upper right eyelid ptosis repair
Last nite the pain in my left eye woke me up for the first time in 12 days since surgery. Sharp pains, like I had dry eyes. Perhaps I hadn't used enough lubricant. I went downstairs and used a little bit more and then tried to go back to sleep though for the rest of the duration of my sleep, again for the first time in 13 days since surgery, this time my right eye started tearing by itself which was very painful. I was too tired to wake up to put in eye drops and kept wiping away the tears. The pain and sting in my right eye hurt and throbbed for many hours after I woke up. I wonder what happened and whether it was because I hadn't used enough eye lubricant last nite. Strange that this would happen on Day 12 post surgery.
Vision is still blurry on and off and I'm not taking my pain medication as much as I used to; and if I leave it too long, eg 6-8 hours, the pain in my head starts (ouch) and I have to force myself to take paracetamol.
I took half a cube of Ortisan the other night and ended up having some diahrrohea (spelling?). Ergh.
Today after my bath, I slowly knelt down to fix the rug which had pulled under the door and woah, big mistake, as when I tried to slowly stand up, my whole body felt a rush of heavy pressure like I'd never felt, like a heavy weight was on top of my whole body, and I was pushed to the ground and had to sit down. It's a good job I didn't faint (I never have and wouldn't want this to be a first time). I naturally have low blood pressure and it's something I need to keep an eye on, especially at times like this.
Washed my hair today though still can't get all the dried blood out of my hair as they're stuck to the staples and to my hair and if I pull or tug too hard, my hair falls out; and my hair is long, took me years to grow, and is about 6 inches past my armpits. I don't want to lose too much hair so trying to refrain from picking at the dried blood. It's going to get worst next Weds when I have all the staples removed as I'll have to leave it for a few days before I can wash my hair. I hope I don't lose too much hair after that as when the incisions were made I'm sure some hair was also cut. (sighs). (sniffles).
Day 10 post surgery : Thurs 15th Dec 05
Thread on Make Me Heal Forum: http://www.makemeheal.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?t=122
Having my dissolvable stitches removed from my upper eyelids yesterday certainly has made a big difference in how I slept last nite as I slept like a baby and when I woke my eyes weren't dry like they have been since my surgery 10 days ago, and it feels like I'm more able to shut them properly, being I have more mobility, even thou the uppers still feel somewhat immobilised and numb (perhaps cos of the brow lift - I'm not sure).
Still feeling nauseaus (ergh), though on waking today I had no pain (yeah!). So I'm healing well (smiles). The only medication I'm taking right now are my 2 different kinds of eye drops (one kind every 2 hours and the other 4 times a day) and one eye lubricant (once a day). My vision is blurry cos of this. Jane advised that she wanted me to keep up with the eye medication until my visit next week. I'm nervous about that as I keep thinking of blood and the staple removal pain.
Went to see my GP today to get a medical cert for another week off work. I still look like I've been beaten up and she was ok with it; so I'm now off work until after Christmas. I just have to figure out what to say when I let the girls in the office know, as they'll have to cover for me, and some of the bankers in my group will feel jealous that I've already had 2 weeks off and then getting another week off.... they do work long hours (bless). They fail to realise I've been working 20 years and some of them are only 23 years old (grins) and only been working 2 years of their life and I've earnt my time off as I've paid my dues in the work force and done the long hours etc ....
No pain in forehead and I'm able to lift my brows (though I'm not sure if the intent is that I still keep them immobilised for a while).
I was thinking last nite or rather seriously contemplating if I'd consider having botox in my forehead if (or rather when) my frown lines return, until such time that I can have my Isolagen cells injected into me. I'll certainly give it some serious thought and research as it would be devasting to see my frown lines return (we'll see how bad it gets).
Having my dissolvable stitches removed from my upper eyelids yesterday certainly has made a big difference in how I slept last nite as I slept like a baby and when I woke my eyes weren't dry like they have been since my surgery 10 days ago, and it feels like I'm more able to shut them properly, being I have more mobility, even thou the uppers still feel somewhat immobilised and numb (perhaps cos of the brow lift - I'm not sure).
Still feeling nauseaus (ergh), though on waking today I had no pain (yeah!). So I'm healing well (smiles). The only medication I'm taking right now are my 2 different kinds of eye drops (one kind every 2 hours and the other 4 times a day) and one eye lubricant (once a day). My vision is blurry cos of this. Jane advised that she wanted me to keep up with the eye medication until my visit next week. I'm nervous about that as I keep thinking of blood and the staple removal pain.
Went to see my GP today to get a medical cert for another week off work. I still look like I've been beaten up and she was ok with it; so I'm now off work until after Christmas. I just have to figure out what to say when I let the girls in the office know, as they'll have to cover for me, and some of the bankers in my group will feel jealous that I've already had 2 weeks off and then getting another week off.... they do work long hours (bless). They fail to realise I've been working 20 years and some of them are only 23 years old (grins) and only been working 2 years of their life and I've earnt my time off as I've paid my dues in the work force and done the long hours etc ....
No pain in forehead and I'm able to lift my brows (though I'm not sure if the intent is that I still keep them immobilised for a while).
I was thinking last nite or rather seriously contemplating if I'd consider having botox in my forehead if (or rather when) my frown lines return, until such time that I can have my Isolagen cells injected into me. I'll certainly give it some serious thought and research as it would be devasting to see my frown lines return (we'll see how bad it gets).
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Day 9 post surgery : Weds 14th Dec 05 / Consult with Jane
I had my first follow up consult with Jane Olver today. Getting there was something of an endeavour as I was driving around North Greenwich car park for ages trying to squeeze in somewhere to park my car. It's the first time I'd ever tried to park there and the car park was absolutely full to the brim. Anyway, I made it on the tube ride to Bond Street though was let down by my TomTom GPS system which I was relying on to get me to Harley Street, though thankfully I recognised where I was, having worked in the West End/Oxford Circus many years ago.
Jane seemed pleased to see the results of my brow lift. She seemed bubbly today albeit had a cold and her voice was hoarse. She apologised for not seeing me after my surgery and explained that she'd come down ill on the Tuesday and had to leave surgery to go home. She said she usually does see her patients after and hoped I hadn't felt neglected.
She took pictures of my brow lift and also pictures of my eyes closed, left eyelid being the worst of the two; and commented that she may need to lift the lower left lid (which is what that original surgeon kept messing up - even after a canthopexy in July this year). She said we had to keep an eye on my eyes not being able to close and monitor the situation.
I'm not sure if she intended on removing my staples today and if today was just a quick visit to see how I was doing; as she initially said my staples weren't going to be removed today; and then she changed her mind and tried to remove a few staples. Before she tacked the staples, she removed my dissolvable stitches on my upper eyelids. She said only 3 of them would hurt but oh no, more than that hurt on each eye as she went snip, snip and snip and then tugged. My eyes watered with the pain. Ouch! She said that having the dissolvable stitches removed would give more movement in my upper eyelids. The removal process really stung. OUCH!
Then she tacked the staple removal. Oh boy, I was not expecting the pain. Some were excruciating, like teeth being extracted and my hair being pulled at the same time, and I bled (don't I always!), and I kept flinching. She said some of it was my hair being caught when trying to remove the staples which was causing the pain. It is what is is; though the pain was so totally unexpected as most of the websites I have been reading say the staple removal is not painful. Perhaps I have a low tolerance for pain.
Jane only removed a few staples from the top of my head and a few times there was a bit of blood gushing out, though she said that heads are very sturdy, bleed a lot, though bounce back really fast. When she had difficulty removing one of the last staples which caused me a great deal of pain and blood, she decided to stop and said we'd reconvene next week to remove the rest. I was grateful for the reprieve as the pain was fairly bad. Imagine the pain of your hair being yanked out of your scalp - that's something like what the staple removal feels like and when hair gets caught with the staples, it's even more excruciating.
Jane advised me to not touch or wash my eyes for the next 24 hours and to take care of my forehead similarly for the next couple of days.
We didn't get to touch on my left eye chemosis (I think that's what it is) as I forgot about that and we didn't discuss anything else too much. Jane wasn't feeling too well and neither was I as when I got there I was feeling fairly drained from the journey and light headed per usual (had felt nauseaus earlier and was wearing my nauseau watch to help with any nausea). Hopefully next week we'll both be back to some form of normality and discuss more.
Jane asked how I liked my upper eyes and I said I wasn't sure yet what the final result was going to look like as there seemed a huge gap between my eyebrows and the upper lids and it was all so new to me. I still can't imagine as that area looks swollen though from what i can see so far I do like it a lot and it looks very much better than my old upper eyelids. My lowers just let me down a lot now though we have to be patient and wait for everything to heal before we tackle that area.
Jane seemed pleased to see the results of my brow lift. She seemed bubbly today albeit had a cold and her voice was hoarse. She apologised for not seeing me after my surgery and explained that she'd come down ill on the Tuesday and had to leave surgery to go home. She said she usually does see her patients after and hoped I hadn't felt neglected.
She took pictures of my brow lift and also pictures of my eyes closed, left eyelid being the worst of the two; and commented that she may need to lift the lower left lid (which is what that original surgeon kept messing up - even after a canthopexy in July this year). She said we had to keep an eye on my eyes not being able to close and monitor the situation.
I'm not sure if she intended on removing my staples today and if today was just a quick visit to see how I was doing; as she initially said my staples weren't going to be removed today; and then she changed her mind and tried to remove a few staples. Before she tacked the staples, she removed my dissolvable stitches on my upper eyelids. She said only 3 of them would hurt but oh no, more than that hurt on each eye as she went snip, snip and snip and then tugged. My eyes watered with the pain. Ouch! She said that having the dissolvable stitches removed would give more movement in my upper eyelids. The removal process really stung. OUCH!
Then she tacked the staple removal. Oh boy, I was not expecting the pain. Some were excruciating, like teeth being extracted and my hair being pulled at the same time, and I bled (don't I always!), and I kept flinching. She said some of it was my hair being caught when trying to remove the staples which was causing the pain. It is what is is; though the pain was so totally unexpected as most of the websites I have been reading say the staple removal is not painful. Perhaps I have a low tolerance for pain.
Jane only removed a few staples from the top of my head and a few times there was a bit of blood gushing out, though she said that heads are very sturdy, bleed a lot, though bounce back really fast. When she had difficulty removing one of the last staples which caused me a great deal of pain and blood, she decided to stop and said we'd reconvene next week to remove the rest. I was grateful for the reprieve as the pain was fairly bad. Imagine the pain of your hair being yanked out of your scalp - that's something like what the staple removal feels like and when hair gets caught with the staples, it's even more excruciating.
Jane advised me to not touch or wash my eyes for the next 24 hours and to take care of my forehead similarly for the next couple of days.
We didn't get to touch on my left eye chemosis (I think that's what it is) as I forgot about that and we didn't discuss anything else too much. Jane wasn't feeling too well and neither was I as when I got there I was feeling fairly drained from the journey and light headed per usual (had felt nauseaus earlier and was wearing my nauseau watch to help with any nausea). Hopefully next week we'll both be back to some form of normality and discuss more.
Jane asked how I liked my upper eyes and I said I wasn't sure yet what the final result was going to look like as there seemed a huge gap between my eyebrows and the upper lids and it was all so new to me. I still can't imagine as that area looks swollen though from what i can see so far I do like it a lot and it looks very much better than my old upper eyelids. My lowers just let me down a lot now though we have to be patient and wait for everything to heal before we tackle that area.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
1 week 1 day post surgery (Tue 13 Dec 05)
As you can tell, I'm still counting in Days (smiles).
I had another restless night last night tossing and turning and before I knew it, the alarm clock had gone off to the start of another new day and it was time to get up for my eye drops and pain meds. I tried to get back to sleep but couldn't and spent the next few hours trying to watch tv amidst slumber, and eventually I managed to get some much needed sleep.
Still feel nauseaus, stomach isn't as bloated as much now that I'm off the antibiotics and other med I was on and today was the last nite of the steriods (yeah!). My head hurts today and is throbbing on the right side. My forehead feels hot.
I got the appt time mixed up for my consult with Jane tomorrow as it's in the morning instead of early afternoon, which means all my plans have now changed as I have an appt at the GPs which I'll now have to reschedule. Am still debating whether to drive all the way to Harley Street and/or drive to North Greenwich tube station amongst semi morning people traffic, and chance the tube. I'll make the decision in the morning when I get in the car and see how I feel then.
I washed my hair again today and amongst all the staples in my head, managed to straighten it and I feel and look presentable again and it's made a huge difference to my spirits (smiles). My right eyebrow seems to have dropped a little (or is it my imagination?).
I have lots of questions to ask Jane - I sent her an email last nite about my next lower eyelid reconstruction and suggested a surgery date (yup am really planning ahead) of 10 July 2006, which hopefully will give my body time to recover from this surgery and also for me to recoup together some finances. I will make a note to write down my questions for Jane on paper as otherwise I will most likely forget them.
Am still feeling tearful on and off. Nauseaus, and still much bruised. Still concerned about how I'll look if I do go back to work next Monday 19th Dec. I would very much like to extend that to another week off and return after X'mas. I'll discuss this with my GP. The way I look and feel right now, I'm sure it would be acceptable as my vision is still blurry and I have difficulty lifting my eyes up and to the left and right and it's easier to move my head than to move my eyeballs (meaning I'm not safe to drive - ah ha .... so oughtn't drive too much tomorrow!) :)
I had another restless night last night tossing and turning and before I knew it, the alarm clock had gone off to the start of another new day and it was time to get up for my eye drops and pain meds. I tried to get back to sleep but couldn't and spent the next few hours trying to watch tv amidst slumber, and eventually I managed to get some much needed sleep.
Still feel nauseaus, stomach isn't as bloated as much now that I'm off the antibiotics and other med I was on and today was the last nite of the steriods (yeah!). My head hurts today and is throbbing on the right side. My forehead feels hot.
I got the appt time mixed up for my consult with Jane tomorrow as it's in the morning instead of early afternoon, which means all my plans have now changed as I have an appt at the GPs which I'll now have to reschedule. Am still debating whether to drive all the way to Harley Street and/or drive to North Greenwich tube station amongst semi morning people traffic, and chance the tube. I'll make the decision in the morning when I get in the car and see how I feel then.
I washed my hair again today and amongst all the staples in my head, managed to straighten it and I feel and look presentable again and it's made a huge difference to my spirits (smiles). My right eyebrow seems to have dropped a little (or is it my imagination?).
I have lots of questions to ask Jane - I sent her an email last nite about my next lower eyelid reconstruction and suggested a surgery date (yup am really planning ahead) of 10 July 2006, which hopefully will give my body time to recover from this surgery and also for me to recoup together some finances. I will make a note to write down my questions for Jane on paper as otherwise I will most likely forget them.
Am still feeling tearful on and off. Nauseaus, and still much bruised. Still concerned about how I'll look if I do go back to work next Monday 19th Dec. I would very much like to extend that to another week off and return after X'mas. I'll discuss this with my GP. The way I look and feel right now, I'm sure it would be acceptable as my vision is still blurry and I have difficulty lifting my eyes up and to the left and right and it's easier to move my head than to move my eyeballs (meaning I'm not safe to drive - ah ha .... so oughtn't drive too much tomorrow!) :)
Coleman fat transfer
I wanted to save the links and any research I find on Coleman fat transfer here, for future reading, prior to my own Coleman fat transfer in the next few months. I want to be as informed as possible as right now I don't know too much on Coleman fat transfer. I'm doing things lately, like the endo brow lift, that I never ever would have contemplated. Never say never.
- http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0PDG/is_5_2/ai_110220256
- http://www.emedicine.com/plastic/topic59.htm
- http://www.ozskin.com/Fat%20Transfer.html
- http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0PDG/is_3_1/ai_110220333
- http://www.skininstitute.co.nz/Services/Cosmetic+Therapy/Body/Fat+Transfer.html
- http://www.cosmeticsurgerytimes.com/cosmeticsurgerytimes/article/articleDetail.jsp?id=92983
- http://www.dermagenesis.com/lipivage%20resource%20document.pdf
- http://www.op-rs.com/pt/re/oprs/fulltext.00002341-200205000-00015.htm;jsessionid=DeaBxvwnOHA6vpHTa456F0CEW2rc9DYC9bq994h7EYMYroSNSqZy!-2109904337!-949856144!9001!-1
Monday, December 12, 2005
A week post surgery (Mon 12 Dec 05)
One week post surgery - Y-V endo brow lift, bilateral upper eyelid reconstruction, upper left eyelash ptosis repair and upper right eyelid ptosis repair
Still suffering from chemosis in the left outer eyelid. http://www.drmeronk.com/insidersguide/35.html Feeling bloated, tired, teary, emotional, drained etc. Decided to go to Sainsburys to top up on some grocery shopping and drove a bit further than before; which wasn't a good idea as though I drove carefully, I was still unsafe to be on the road as I didn't feel in a fit enough condition to make any emergency decisions. Am debating on what to do on Weds when I see Jane for my consult in the afternoon.
Majority of my pill medication, apart from one last steriod tablet tomorrow, ran out today, though I'm still on the steriod eye drops for a while. They taste ikky as eventually the taste goes from my eyes into my throat strangely. My stomach feels bloated and I have many other symptoms. When my eyes allow me to read some of the leaflets, I gather that all the tired symptoms and irritability etc are due to the steroids and antibiotics that I am on. So it's a good thing they run out tomorrow as hopefully it'll mean my body can start healing itself now normally without synthethic medication. I'm not sure whether or not it was a good idea to heed Jane's comments about not using homeopathy. I'm not sure what good it would have done amongst all the synthethic medication that was being pumped into me.
I would like to discuss with the anaesthesist again his decisions on the kind of anaesthesia he gave me as I've been feeling sick still (though this could be the medication and not from his anaesthesia, from reading the leaflets this afternoon). I remember we did have this discussion but I was so groggy I can't remember what was said!
As my attempt at taking Orbistan cubes for my constipation yesterday ended up in a diahhroea state, I decided not to take any more and today again my bowels are blocked up and my stomach feels all bloated and tight (ergh). I will make a further decision tonite before bed and may just take half a cube instead of one.
I would imagine there aren't too many oculoplastic doctors out there that practice naturopathy (smiles). I am still amazed I allowed myself to be pumped full of the chemicals this past week though as I know nothing of these things, it's best to be safe than sorry. One just needs to read the warnings on the leaflets to realise how harmful it is to take the medicines and what the contraindications are - like hives, thrush, bloatedness, rashes etc etc etc etc .... and yet people still take them. It'll take me months to get my system declogged of all these synthethic chemicals and then I'll subject myself to it again with my next surgery ... oh dear (smiles), in July 2006.
I think I'll do a search on the internet to find out ways to dejunk from all these synthethic medicines.
Made an appt with GP for Weds to obtain my medical note. I'm still debating whether or not to go for that extra week, though the way I look right now, I am in no fit condition to drive to and from work for 5 days at 8 hours a day and stare at a computer screen.
For some strange reason, since the surgery, I can't seem to take the heat too much and prefer a room to be cooler. For instance last nite, I switched the central heating to under 20 degrees Celsius, whereas usually I need to have the house warm at 24 degrees plus. I just can't seem to take the heat and seem to overheat inside - perhaps it's a sign of the menopause rather than the surgery. At the hospital on the first nite, one of the nurses came into the room late at nite and immediately commented on how cold the room is and proceeded to turn the heating on. I told her I had been sweating, which I had. Very strange. What's happening? Is this an internal heating system going on? Menopause? Ergh! At least it saves on the heating bills (smiles) which is a positive. I'm sure the kitties are confused cos they love a nice warm house and now it's cool, which is so totally unlike me.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Day 7 post surgery : Sun 11 Dec 05
Day 7 - Y-V endo brow lift, bilateral upper eyelid reconstruction, left upper eyelash ptosis repair and right upper eyelid ptosis repair
Waking is probably one of the hardest parts of the day as I've had a hard night's restless sleep tossing and turning and going to the bathroom, and then the alarm goes off at 7.30am and it's rush to get breakfast on in time to make the 8am medication call where I have to take my antibiotics, stomach liners, steroid eye drops and normal eye drops amongst any sickness tablets if I feel the need, and also feed the kitties. It's a job in itself and along with that my eyes are half asleep from sleeping not closed and I have to boil the kettle, mix a jug full of water and organic sea salt (or you can use saline solution) and use sterile gauze pads to wash my eyes (once it's warmed, though usually I pour cold water if it hasn't cooled down enough yet). I do this twice a day for the first week and then once a day for the second. Instructions are at http://www.oculoplastics.co.uk/postop_all_instructions.php for eye after care.
My eyes hurt on waking, again that feeling of being cut. The pain meds had obviously worn off and the first thing I took today was my pain meds before I slumbered downstairs to the kitchen to start breakfast of scrambled eggs and baked beans, while half asleep and with blurry vision.
Bleh, am still constipated - need to increase my intake of dried prunes!! The instructions with the medicine I'm taking is to not take any digestive enzymes (which I usually do and which helps my bowels as well). Am increasing my dosage now as my stomach feels as hard as a rock!! Update: Ok, all is well now and the dosage I took yesterday is working (smiles). yeah!
I was contemplating last nite dates for my next surgery with Jane Olver for my lower eyelid reconstruction to repair the work that the other surgeon did, and the dates I came up for the moment is Monday 10th July 2006. I think 6 months is ample time for the brow lift and upper eyelids to heal and ample time for me to clear my current debts paying off for this endo brow lift and upper eyelid reconstruction which last night I realised is the price of a new car! Wow! It's worth it though (smiles).
BUPA reconfirmed via email and stood by their decision, ie out of £1,750 for the lower bleph surgery and £1,200 for the coleman fat transfer, they were only prepared to pay approx £1,073 for the lower bleph and if combined with the coleman transfer, a total of £1,275, which means (without using a calculator and checking for exact figures), my excess for surgeon's fees, if the ops at done at the same time, will be £1,700 (ouch). Though if BUPA are paying all hospital and anaesthethist fees, then it really helps a lot, as that is half the cost of the whole surgery!
Thread started on the Make Me Heal Forum re dealing with life after surgery with friends, family and co-workers: http://www.makemeheal.com/messageboards/viewtopic.php?p=2089#2089
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Day 6 post surgery : Sat 10th Dec 05
Day 6 - Y-V endo brow lift, bilateral upper eyelid reconstruction, left upper eyelash ptosis repair and right upper eyelid ptosis repair
Today I braved it and drove to the local health and grocery store to get some well needed supplies and 80 mins, including driving time, was all I could manage, as I soon started to feel whoozy and tired amongst walking up and down aisles, making simple decisions like choosing groceries and looking for things like marshmellows to put in my hot chocolate. It's a good job my mother came along with me as I don't think I'd have managed without her carrying the bags. I don't think I was ready to venture out yet; and I think next time I'll do my shopping online, though it was an emergency today to the health store.
When we got back home, it was already time for my next dose of medication and lunch and I was feeling extremely tired; and as I didn't sleep well last nite, if at all, I promptly fell asleep upstairs for an hour on and off until the next alarm rang for my next dose of medication. At least I managed to get some much needed sleep.
My right upper eyelid was smarting today, feeling like it's been cut, and I'd held off on the pain meds for several hours as I'd missed the noon dose. On and off throughout the whole day today my right upper eyelid has still been smarting even with pain medication.
No pain today with the staples in my head and I look very bruised, like I've been beaten up! I have been feeling fairly emotional and tearful on and off since returning home from the hospital. I have been going with the flow and crying when the need arises.
It's Day 6 since surgery and somehow it feels much longer than that. My face seems to be normalising some and I do like the new look and forehead (smiles). I'm just not sure how my hair is going to look when all the staples are out and when I'm able to wash it again; and/or whether I'll need to cut my long hair shorter or get a new haircut. I don't want to be too noticeable at work when I return.
I wonder how long a brow lift lasts - I've read 5-8 years - though if this is how it is going to be, I think I'd be quite happy to go through another brow lift to get that fuller look in the forehead. If Jane Olver hadn't suggested a brow lift to improve the lower lids lumpy section, there is no way I'd ever have considered a brow lift as I was ok with my horizontal frown lines on my forehead and using Isolagen http://www.isolagen.co.uk and my own cells to minimise the lines.
Jane did mention that she'd recommend a few more top ups of Isolagen, 6 vials at each top up, with 6 months in between. If 2 vials cost either £1,500 or £1,700 (depending on which surgeon one sees), then 6 vials will be £1,500 x 3 = £4,500, which is about the same price I paid Chris Inglefield to do my original Isolagen injections including the biopsies. Hopefully when the FDA approves Isolagen in the US, the price will reduce in the next year or so as right now my priority is my next surgery, which will be the lower lid reconstruction to fix the bad job that my original surgeon did.
All in all it's been a very tiring day today. The hardest part, as usual is the meal times, making sure I take the right medication at the right time of the day, and I have a lot of medication to take, steriod tablets, steriod eye drops, antibiotics, stomach liners, antisickness tablets, more tear drops, tear lubricants and they're to be taken each 3-4 times a day. When I had my original bleph last year, that surgeon didn't even prescribe any eye drops or nothing - that's strange. I feel this surgery has been so much more professional.
My eyesight and vision are still blurry on Day 6 which is frustrating. I have to blink lots and it's even difficult to watch tv. I'm sure it's due to the steriod eye drops I'm using though if it's helping prevent infection etc, I'm ok with it.
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