Follow up consult with Jane 2nd Nov 06

Firstly Blogger has added some new changes to their blog look and it's in the middle of a makeover phase ~ please be patient as the changes happen ~~ I still may change my blog to another website which has more features ~~ watch this space!

I had my follow up consult with Jane today, about 6-7 weeks before my next revision surgery with her in December.

Jane had a trainee doctor (or thereabouts) sitting in with her on the consult (I'm used to that now with Jane and am ok with it ie it doesn't feel intrusive). I've had Isolagen with Chris Inglefield before and I never felt comfortable with his nurse there at all consults. It felt like she was intruding.

Anyway, we started off with me going over the list I had the last time and the things that needed taking care of surgery wise. Jane is obviously very busy and reminders are very important for her.

From memory (and today it's a bit hazy), we again agreed that I'd have fat transfer to my lower eyelids and some to my upper left eyelid, raise the outer right eye (she gave it a technical term which just baffles me and I can't remember it), mentioned some other technical term about my right and left upper eyelid (which confused me a little as I didn't think anything was wrong with my right upper eyelid - only my left). Most of the time Jane is talking to the trainee doctor with these technical terms and mentioning them to me sometimes and I haven't a clue as to what she's talking about. Jane doesn't use layman's terms ie the normal person's language. It's a good job I know what I want and those at MMH have helped lots ~ otherwise I'd be freaking out. Oh yes and of course the most important of all which was the hard palate graft.

Per usual Jane's phone rings during the consult (sometimes I wonder why Jane brings her cellphone in with her at a consult and doesn't leave it with her assistant). Jane answered the phone 3 times during the consult, and left the room once for several minutes. While I'm ok with it, it did interrupt the session and I'm sure Jane's line of thought as well. Then again I'm sure Jane's assistant most likely would not want to answer Jane's calls and would probably come knocking on the door with questions for Jane about the calls.

When Jane left the room, the trainee doctor (or whatever it is that she is) and I chatted about my surgeries and she mentioned that Jane was very gifted. I have heard many people say this about Jane over the months ie at the Western Eye Hospital and also the Wellington Hospital with all the staff.

Jane reminded me of the possibility that any eye surgery could lead to blindness etc when operating on/around the orbital rim. She mentioned it and then there was silence ~ and I'm like, oh-kay, am I supposed to say, fine, then if there's death or possibility of blindness then I won't proceed? Jane's bedside manner could certainly be improved (smiles) ~~ then again who's perfect yeah? We all have our own quirks. My original butcher surgeon as I call him was always very professional and had lots of time for me though he didn't seem to have much of a clue as to eyes and their complications and how they work ~~ he just seemed to be a plastic surgeon with basic knowledge.

I'm too tired to write too much. When I left, I remember feeling slightly depressed and tired ~~ tired of all the surgeries I've had so far and feeling sad that I'll have to endure and recover from another surgery and start the recovery journey all over again. In the past 2 years, I've had a surgery every 6 months. I'm feeling tired of it all ~~ my body hasn't yet recovered from one surgery and I head straight into another. I feel exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Just as I think I'm back to normal and in a routine again ~~ whoosh, I'm back into another surgery. I really don't want anymore after this and I have no idea what Jane means by "tweaking" after the next surgery. I just want my life back.

Oh and Jane mentioned that she most likely wouldn't be able to get rid of that lump that's been under my left eye since the original bleph. Hmm I should go back to my notes in the beginning of my meeting with Jane as I'm sure she mentioned to me then that it was possible, ie that I'd need the brow lift first to and then the other surgeries -- she seemed full of yeses then, ie that everything could be done; and now that I'm committed, I hear the reality of the situations ~~ which is quite unsetling. Especially as I mention the crinkling of the outer eye now in my left eye which was never there before and when I ask Jane if it can be resolved in the next surgery, she mentions no and the reasons why ie cos of the obicularis etc. I mean it was not there before, my left eye now has more difficulty shutting then before and Jane's response is just nope, the crinkling won't go - and only botox will get rid of it? I'm too tired to even discuss it further or question the fact that it's her last surgery that has caused my eye to crinkle and she can't fix it? There's no accepting of responsibility here either ~~ it's just yes or no ~~ Jane hadn't even commented on the fact that the left upper eyelid fat didn't take in the inner corner. Again perhaps it's the bedside manner ~~ I don't know anymore ~~ I'm just tired of this whole thing ~~ plain tired.

Bottom line is we both know what needs doing ~~ Jane says she can fix some stuff and some she can't and some she'll try her best. Mariel (I trust this is her name) from the MMH board mentions, if I recall, than we just have to keep trying till we get it right. A lot of my support has been from the MMH board and those like Mariel and Macherie (again I hope I've gotten their names right - yikes) who're familiar with the Hard Palate Graft etc as Jane certainly hasn't explained to me anything about the procedure or if there are any side effects and/or the success rate and/or how many she's done. Did I ask? Nope cos I forgot as my mind was in a twirl and I felt slightly depressed at the thought of yet another surgery, just as I'm getting my life back together again. And I'm in despair about the thought of the cost of it all especially as I've ordered a top up of Isolagen as well, which heavens only knows how I'm going to afford it. I understand how Ruby123 feels now - I'll email you shortly D in response to your email a couple of days ago re your follow up consult with Jane.

Best
Indi