I'm losing count now - I think I'm now at the end of Week 11 today, Sun 26th Feb 06 and tomorrow Mon 27th Feb 06 is the start of Week 12 post surgery ie 3 months post surgery.
You can find me on the Make Me Heal Board on the thread about my brow lift and upper eyelid reconstruction at : http://www.messageboards.makemeheal.com/viewtopic.php?t=122&start=210
Life is fairly busy right now with me working almost 12 hour days and exercising when I return home and it's straight to bed. My hormones are playing up again and my thrush has returned for the 3rd month in a row since my surgery. I'm very concerned that the antibiotics and steroids were that strong to still be causing the thrush. I certainly don't get thrush normally and it's been years since I had it even when I was on antibiotics before I didn't get thrush. (sniffles). It's very painful and extremely uncomfortable.
I purchased Vagiclear http://www.highernature.co.uk/cgi-bin/HN.storefront/EN/ from http://www.highernature.co.uk and used the first tablet last nite and it seems to have had some effect thankfully. It's a course of ten tablets nightly over ten days.
Natural vaginal health
When in good health, the vagina is naturally supported by benign probiotic bacteria. But the vagina can also be invaded by yeasts and pathogenic bacteria, especially during and following a course of antibiotics. Vagiclear provides an exceptionally high potency of five probiotic bacteria, including: L acidophilus, L. plantarum, L. rhamnosus, L. casei and L. delbruekii, selected by experts to optimally repopulate the vagina. A course of Vagiclear is designed to be applied for 10 consecutive nights. A special applicator is also available (which is non-discountable)
On Tuesday this week, 21st Feb, I went to the Western Eye Hospital for my appt with Jane Olver to have my punctal plugs inserted. I was in for a surprise as a private room awaited me, which BUPA had made clear that they would not pay for and while I was only in the room for 2 hours, the charge will be approx £230 (ouch) which I'll have to pay for myself. It seemed I was in there as a Day Case and Jane hadn't mentioned this at all. I thought I was going to go in and out just like that. But oh no, the nurses prepped me ie took all my medical details, and even put me in a gown though thankfully I didn't need to take my clothes off. The nurse kept saying I was going into theatre ... and I was like, huh? But I'm only there to have punctal plugs put in ..... and thought it was like having contact lenses put in ..... and couldn't understand the big deal.
I was prepped and primed and the whole procedure took just 5 mins. Jane just put in anaesthethic eye drops which left a strange sensation or non sensation perhaps I should say though I could still see and voila injected in the punctal plugs in both eyes. She said I'd have watery eyes for the next 48 hours and/or slight bruising and I had neither. Though on the second night my left eye did tear all night which was bad and the next day it strung all day and felt awful - like it couldn't close and clean itself. I was off on Friday ill as I was coming down with the flu, my eyes hurt, felt hot and watery like I was having the flu and I was just generally feeling run down and spent 24 hours or so in bed.
Jane looked at my crinkly upper left eyelid and again recommended Restylane as she said this was her speciality and I politely refused her saying that while I was tempted, it'd only be as a stop gap between now and a fat transfer when I did my lowers but the Restylane would still be in my upper eyelid if I did it now and I don't want that. She really is pushing for Restylane but I really don't want it. I'd rather do fat transfers till it is done right than have Restylane injected into my upper eyelid. I've had Restylane once in my nasial labial lines and don't like the feel of the lumpiness nor anything foreign under my skin dissolving.
She said she'd see me in 2 weeks at my next appt on the 8th March to discuss my next stage of eye reconstruction ie the lowers.
The next day, Weds I believe, I washed my hair at night and was pleasantly and delightfully surprised to see that I could find a parting finally in my hair that did not show any incision lines or bald spots. I was trying to straighten my hair with a straigtening tongs and I liked what I saw. My hair felt thicker and it has to be the Nourkrin http://www.nourkrin.co.uk that I've been taking for a month now that is helping as my hair has never felt this thick before. It's always been flat and thin and especially after my surgery it was flat, dull and lifeless and looked brittle, like I'd had a really bad perm. All that is now seemingly almost healed and my hair is thicker and new hairs are sprouting up fairly fast all of a sudden where my incision lines were. Though there is one V spot on the front of my forehead that hasn't any hair around it nor any sprouts seemingly growing yet. But the hair is growing thicker around it.
Though now that I can hide my bald spots with the other thicker hair, I'm feeling much more happier and confident and it's such a relief. I may even consider no longer using my wig at work ... perhaps in a month's time as I really don't like to wear the wig. While people look at me and compliment me all the time, it's not me and I don't like wearing it.
Talking of people bumping into me, I bumped into WS on the 5th floor this week and the look on her face as she did a double take was just one of those that I was tired of seeing so I immediately said, before she could say anything, with a smile "Yes, it's extensions .... everyone's asking" - to which she smiled back and said "Yes, I know, ... black people wear them all the time". We exchanged a few more pleasantries and I was thankful to escape.
I also bumped into M who I haven't seen for months and while we chatted in the corridor, catching up, she kept staring at my hair and mentioned how long it was - and I just said, it's extensions .... a friend's daughter's x'mas present. I prefer to say it's extensions now rather than pretend it's my own hair. I've been wearing my wig to work for about 8 weeks now and in another 4-6 weeks perhaps I'll stop wearing it when my hair underneath has grown a bit more so that I'm more comfortable with the style (I may go get it cut properly before I show it) and go back to work with my normal hair saying I had removed the extensions.
Strangely it seems now that my hairline doesn't seem as high .... I'm not sure what's happened ... whether everything is just falling back naturally into place and/or if it's the thicker hair that's giving an illusion and covering the high hairline. Whatever it is, I'm feeling much more comfortable with my hairline ... right now. How long this lasts, I don't know. Hopefully for good :)
RK keeps looking at me and smiling when I look back .... spooky. I guess he likes the hair :) or rather wig! Men and long hair and they go ga ga I feel :) When I do eventually take the wig off, oh what a disappointment the guys will then have (grins). I'll just be back to plain ole me! That is such a scary thought and it may keep me wearing the wig until my lower eyelid reconstruction is complete .... we'll have to wait and see, cos if I do use my natural hair right now, my crinkle on my left upper eyelid is obvious (well to me anyway) as is my upper hollows in left upper eyelid and also my lower left droop is also obvious and that may stop me from discontinuing wearing the wig cos it helps me feel like I'm hiding underneath it, especially hiding underneath the fringe.
I am vacillating a lot.
Oh, and is this the week that I called a time out with my best friend? Or was it last week? I do feel much better cos of it. I'm also avoiding all the calls from an ex boyfriend of 20 years ago who keeps calling me .... it's a really long story I'd rather not go into. It's like ground hog day replayed over and over with him. We've nothing in common and I feel criticised when I'm around him and so I chose to stop answering his phone calls which over the years I've told him to stop calling as I feel harassed by him and he somehow manages to turn that round into my fault --- geez! and that he's hurt cos I say I feel harassed by him. Enough said ... I am making changes in my life right now .... and healthy ones :)
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Punctal Plugs : Tues 21st Feb 2006
I'm scheduled to have punctal plugs in my eyes in two days (eeek) on Tues 21st Feb 2006 with Jane Olver. I wonder if I'll have time to talk about my eyes with her ... probably not ... I'll probably have to wait until I see her on March 8th for my follow up consult which is when we'll discuss the next surgery ie lower eyelid reconstruction and fat transfer.
I'm nervous .... whew ... ie about Tuesday ....
I'm nervous .... whew ... ie about Tuesday ....
Week 10 post surgery : Sun 19 Feb 06
Today is the end of Week 10, Sunday 19th Feb 06 and tomorrow is the start of Week 11 post surgery so I'm at the two and a half month mark since my Y-V endo brow lift, upper eyelid reconstruction, and ptosis repair ....
This week has been very stressful for me and I'm not sure if it's the trauma of the surgery and the events that have followed it, ie the hair loss and the need to use a wig though spending so much time with my best friend, whom is the only one in real life who knows about my hair loss problem, has resulted in me calling a time out with her. I found her money issues too overbearing as she'd intervene in everything and force her money issues onto me, ie when we went to look at wigs in Catford and Lewisham, and I mentioned how surprised I was at how cheap they were ie £40, her comments were, well you didn't want to go hunting for bargains which I found extremely sarcastic - it's just her money issues talking as she likes her bargains - whereas I believe you pay for what you get and I don't have any issues in paying the price for something that is worth it, ie my wig, which was £235, and was a monofilament whereas the wigs we saw in Lewisham and Catford were cheap imitations with scalps that were obviously wigs. It's just my best friend's mannerism that bothers me as we had to go through this over and over and over and over again in all the shops we went to and I just couldn't handle it anymore.
My tolerance level is extremely low, I'm feeling extremely vulnerable with my hair loss etc and to have to deal with her money issues forced on me forced me over the edge and I called a time out. There were many other issues as well - just like any break ups, it doesn't happen overnight and this has been an issue for me for many months, if not years. It's just her overall thought process that brings me down and I need to meditate, to refocus, to bring myself back into my center and to protect myself from her energy which I feel drains me and right now I need all the energy I can get to help myself heal from the surgery mentally, emotionally and physically without having her draining my energy supply. It's like she feeds off me like a psychic vampire - arrrgh.
Calling a time out with her felt like I was breaking up a relationship and that in itself was very stressful but I had no choice. I spent the rest of the week working out after work in order to rid my stress and have started meditating when I am in bed and it's been helping as already I've lost 1-2 pounds and feel much better for it. I've also changed my eating habits. It's amazing how losing a few pounds can make you feel better as one is no longer bloated and my jeans can zip up properly and my clothes fit again.
Work has been stressful as the temp who sits across me still keeps staring at me and I keep catching her doing it. She doesn't look away either now when I catch her and I find it very annoying and rude. Even BN was staring at me when he was giving me some work, ie stopped mid sentence and just stared at me. Wot? I really wanted to ask him what he was staring at. I'm perplexed. I really am.
I am back wearing my wig at work and this week thankfully my head/scalp did not itch (whew) and it was much better. I used one of the wig nets that was too tight and my scalp is bruised on both sides and still is today, Sunday 19th Feb. I'm learning to play around with my wig style which makes me feel better as I can make it look like it's my own real hair, ie even fooling myself, with the way I wear it and that makes a huge difference to me and my self confidence.
I keep watching people and noticing how their hair is and whose wearing a wig and/or weaves especially black people and I realise that a lot of black people's hair is not real and a lot of people especially black people wear wigs, which I hadn't realised before. My sense of awareness is heightened and I'm not sure if that's a good thing cos I'm even looking at people and looking at their eyes and face and eyebrows to see if they've had anything done and/or if they're drooping etc .... I wish I could switch this off though I guess in due time it'll fade away perhaps ... or maybe not ...
I went to Bluewater yesterday to Vision Express to have an eyetest done as I'm due for an eyetest. To summarise, I felt extremely uncomfortable with the way I was treated at Vision Express by the woman who was conducting the test as it all felt very clinical, she seemed to have no empathy or compassion and seemed to be a robot doing a job, and there was no personal touch, her questions were intrusive and I found her mannerism arrogant -- after about 10 mins or so I just walked out, left my eye test voucher at the counter, telling the staff there that I wasn't happy with her and when they asked me to wait to one side and that someone would be with me, I said NO and walked off - I'd seen her walk out of her cubicle and had come to the counter and I wanted nothing more to do with her.
I was shocked at my reaction cos this is so totally out of character. What's happening to me? My tolerance level for unacceptable behaviour is so low now that I'm not putting up with it. In one way it's a good thing I guess cos I'm changing and moving past the boundaries in my Type 9 personality of the Enneagram ie the Peacemaker and a Type 2, the Caretaker as I'm making myself uncomfortable .... and doing something that is out of character and building a stronger one. Probably won't make sense to those who don't understand the Enneagram http://www.enneagraminstitute.com though that's fine as it makes sense to me. I'm growing that's all. It just feels alien and it's something I'm in a little shock about as I'm not sure where it's coming from ... perhaps it's hitting rock bottom and enough is enough that has forced the change in me. I've had enough.
Anyway I went to David Clulow around the corner in Bluewater and was treated much more professionally there and discovered that I have Prebyopia (ie where you have to move a book a distance away to read it -- eek) and that after 40 years of age, there's no stopping it really for anyone - that made me feel better. My prescription has also increased in strength and probably will in the next two years and at that time I may even need bifocals. Geez, do I have to grow old? (sighs). I work with guys that are in their early 20s and I'm the oldest one there, though I certainly don't look it. It's all in the mind I guess. It just has brought my mortality more in my thoughts.
I have been pondering the thought of a hair transplant on and off though I most likely won't do it as at times I look at my forehead and think I can handle it and it's not that bad though when I wash my face and hair, I can feel the space that wasn't there or rather was hair and not is no longer hair and is space where my forehead has increased and hairline increased too. That's upsetting.
I never thougth I'd wish my life away though I'm counting down the days for my next surgery in July which is now in 4 months and 1 week, which is 17 weeks. I work long hours and exercise afterwards so that the days go faster ... I'm trying to enjoy my days as well but am mainly living for July when I can complete my surgery and feel more whole within myself when I have my lower eyelid reconstruction, fat transfer in lower and upper eyelids and perhaps another left eyelash ptosis repair. I feel very incomplete at the moment, like something is missing. I do acknowledge that I do look so much better now than I did before my brow lift as my forehead looks so much better and I look so much younger (though that wasn't my intent), - it's just my left eye still bothers me and my wig helps me to hide the hollow in my left upper eyelid and I'm very self conscious still of my lower left eyelid droop though again I acknowledge that it is much much better than it was before. I've lived with this for over a year now and come July I'll have lived with it a year and a half. I just want to get on with my life; and when my full surgery is complete, I'll be able to hopefully no longer wear my wig (though I may keep it on till December - not sure yet - we'll see how long it takes for my bald patches to fill in).
I feel perhaps like one of those persons who is waiting for their surgery to transform from male to female or visa versa and until it is complete, they feel incomplete and unwhole and can't move on with their lives. It's hard to when you've got something hanging over you and you're so self conscious of it all the time. I understand obviously that their pain is much much more intense compared to mine.
This week has been very stressful for me and I'm not sure if it's the trauma of the surgery and the events that have followed it, ie the hair loss and the need to use a wig though spending so much time with my best friend, whom is the only one in real life who knows about my hair loss problem, has resulted in me calling a time out with her. I found her money issues too overbearing as she'd intervene in everything and force her money issues onto me, ie when we went to look at wigs in Catford and Lewisham, and I mentioned how surprised I was at how cheap they were ie £40, her comments were, well you didn't want to go hunting for bargains which I found extremely sarcastic - it's just her money issues talking as she likes her bargains - whereas I believe you pay for what you get and I don't have any issues in paying the price for something that is worth it, ie my wig, which was £235, and was a monofilament whereas the wigs we saw in Lewisham and Catford were cheap imitations with scalps that were obviously wigs. It's just my best friend's mannerism that bothers me as we had to go through this over and over and over and over again in all the shops we went to and I just couldn't handle it anymore.
My tolerance level is extremely low, I'm feeling extremely vulnerable with my hair loss etc and to have to deal with her money issues forced on me forced me over the edge and I called a time out. There were many other issues as well - just like any break ups, it doesn't happen overnight and this has been an issue for me for many months, if not years. It's just her overall thought process that brings me down and I need to meditate, to refocus, to bring myself back into my center and to protect myself from her energy which I feel drains me and right now I need all the energy I can get to help myself heal from the surgery mentally, emotionally and physically without having her draining my energy supply. It's like she feeds off me like a psychic vampire - arrrgh.
Calling a time out with her felt like I was breaking up a relationship and that in itself was very stressful but I had no choice. I spent the rest of the week working out after work in order to rid my stress and have started meditating when I am in bed and it's been helping as already I've lost 1-2 pounds and feel much better for it. I've also changed my eating habits. It's amazing how losing a few pounds can make you feel better as one is no longer bloated and my jeans can zip up properly and my clothes fit again.
Work has been stressful as the temp who sits across me still keeps staring at me and I keep catching her doing it. She doesn't look away either now when I catch her and I find it very annoying and rude. Even BN was staring at me when he was giving me some work, ie stopped mid sentence and just stared at me. Wot? I really wanted to ask him what he was staring at. I'm perplexed. I really am.
I am back wearing my wig at work and this week thankfully my head/scalp did not itch (whew) and it was much better. I used one of the wig nets that was too tight and my scalp is bruised on both sides and still is today, Sunday 19th Feb. I'm learning to play around with my wig style which makes me feel better as I can make it look like it's my own real hair, ie even fooling myself, with the way I wear it and that makes a huge difference to me and my self confidence.
I keep watching people and noticing how their hair is and whose wearing a wig and/or weaves especially black people and I realise that a lot of black people's hair is not real and a lot of people especially black people wear wigs, which I hadn't realised before. My sense of awareness is heightened and I'm not sure if that's a good thing cos I'm even looking at people and looking at their eyes and face and eyebrows to see if they've had anything done and/or if they're drooping etc .... I wish I could switch this off though I guess in due time it'll fade away perhaps ... or maybe not ...
I went to Bluewater yesterday to Vision Express to have an eyetest done as I'm due for an eyetest. To summarise, I felt extremely uncomfortable with the way I was treated at Vision Express by the woman who was conducting the test as it all felt very clinical, she seemed to have no empathy or compassion and seemed to be a robot doing a job, and there was no personal touch, her questions were intrusive and I found her mannerism arrogant -- after about 10 mins or so I just walked out, left my eye test voucher at the counter, telling the staff there that I wasn't happy with her and when they asked me to wait to one side and that someone would be with me, I said NO and walked off - I'd seen her walk out of her cubicle and had come to the counter and I wanted nothing more to do with her.
I was shocked at my reaction cos this is so totally out of character. What's happening to me? My tolerance level for unacceptable behaviour is so low now that I'm not putting up with it. In one way it's a good thing I guess cos I'm changing and moving past the boundaries in my Type 9 personality of the Enneagram ie the Peacemaker and a Type 2, the Caretaker as I'm making myself uncomfortable .... and doing something that is out of character and building a stronger one. Probably won't make sense to those who don't understand the Enneagram http://www.enneagraminstitute.com though that's fine as it makes sense to me. I'm growing that's all. It just feels alien and it's something I'm in a little shock about as I'm not sure where it's coming from ... perhaps it's hitting rock bottom and enough is enough that has forced the change in me. I've had enough.
Anyway I went to David Clulow around the corner in Bluewater and was treated much more professionally there and discovered that I have Prebyopia (ie where you have to move a book a distance away to read it -- eek) and that after 40 years of age, there's no stopping it really for anyone - that made me feel better. My prescription has also increased in strength and probably will in the next two years and at that time I may even need bifocals. Geez, do I have to grow old? (sighs). I work with guys that are in their early 20s and I'm the oldest one there, though I certainly don't look it. It's all in the mind I guess. It just has brought my mortality more in my thoughts.
I have been pondering the thought of a hair transplant on and off though I most likely won't do it as at times I look at my forehead and think I can handle it and it's not that bad though when I wash my face and hair, I can feel the space that wasn't there or rather was hair and not is no longer hair and is space where my forehead has increased and hairline increased too. That's upsetting.
I never thougth I'd wish my life away though I'm counting down the days for my next surgery in July which is now in 4 months and 1 week, which is 17 weeks. I work long hours and exercise afterwards so that the days go faster ... I'm trying to enjoy my days as well but am mainly living for July when I can complete my surgery and feel more whole within myself when I have my lower eyelid reconstruction, fat transfer in lower and upper eyelids and perhaps another left eyelash ptosis repair. I feel very incomplete at the moment, like something is missing. I do acknowledge that I do look so much better now than I did before my brow lift as my forehead looks so much better and I look so much younger (though that wasn't my intent), - it's just my left eye still bothers me and my wig helps me to hide the hollow in my left upper eyelid and I'm very self conscious still of my lower left eyelid droop though again I acknowledge that it is much much better than it was before. I've lived with this for over a year now and come July I'll have lived with it a year and a half. I just want to get on with my life; and when my full surgery is complete, I'll be able to hopefully no longer wear my wig (though I may keep it on till December - not sure yet - we'll see how long it takes for my bald patches to fill in).
I feel perhaps like one of those persons who is waiting for their surgery to transform from male to female or visa versa and until it is complete, they feel incomplete and unwhole and can't move on with their lives. It's hard to when you've got something hanging over you and you're so self conscious of it all the time. I understand obviously that their pain is much much more intense compared to mine.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Day 69 post surgery : Week 9 : Sun 12 Feb 06
It hasn't been the wonderful story that we'd all have liked to have been on Friday, when I went to have my hair extensions put in. I was so excited beforehand for days leading up to it; and afterwards I felt completely deflated, like my life was in ruins and disaster lay ahead for the next few months - I'm sure we all know how it feels like to have a bad hair cut especially those who have long hair to have their locks cut off.
To cut a long story short, I trusted the hairdresser as he seemed to know what he was talking about. In spite of going to see Mark Cook at the Mark Sharp saloon a few weeks ago in Mayfair, who said that he didn't think my hair was that bad and that he didn't think I needed the hair braiding system as I'd be wasting my money and that he couldn't help me with hair extensions as while he could thicken the back, he couldn't do anything for my front.
Anyway this hairdresser that I went to on Friday cuts my hair at the back and then cuts about 8 inches off my fringe. I'm shocked but I trust him as he seems so confident. I can't see what he's doing as it's all at the back of me. At the end of it all, he only puts about 7 extensions in the front of my hair and most of it is my own hair, just cut into a fringe and all the hair from the back of my head has been combed forward and 8 inches cut off it. He said this was the only way that would hide my incision lines. I hate him so much right now and feel extremely angry cos it took a long time to grow my hair and it's just f****ging ruined.
My hair at the back looks thick (I never needed it thick anyway in the first place) and at the front all that is left is my hair combed from the back to the front, with a fringe in as he's cut 8 inches off my hair and 7 braids that stick out like braids do and it looks horribly ridiculous. I ask him is that all he's going to do and he says yes. I said it looks silly cos my forehead can be seen through my fringe and he said I have to be careful how I stand and to not stand under spotlights (wot? I work under spotlights as there are spotlights all over my office building - everywhere). I flick my hair and the braids stick out and he said I have to be careful how I touch my hair and to use hairspray to keep it in place.
I'm in shock and taking this all in. There's still a bald spot on the right side of my forehead and I ask him is this all he's going to do and he said yes. He's avoiding me at this stage and as everyone has gone home, he's tidying up and avoiding me and not even asking me how I feel about this. He shows me the back and I'm still in shock. I hated the front. I'm not sure what hit me. My heart sank and I felt like one of those bald men in the adverts who have only one strand of hair which they try to flick across their head to hide their baldness.
He doesn't even ask me if I like it and starts to tell me I'll get used to them in a couple of days and how to comb it. I'm in shock and don't know how to react and don't want to cause a scene so walk out in shock and went to see my best friend. I only stayed for 2 mins as I was about to burst into tears. She looked at my hair and said it wasn't that bad and I said yeah but it's not something I'm confident with and it feels weird and stupid especially the fringe. I'm feeling so angry and upset just writing about it again as it feels like I'm reliving the whole nightmare again.
Anyway I left fairly quickly as she was giving my sympathethic looks and feeling sorry for me and I couldn't take that.
When I got home all I wanted to do was pull all the extensions out as they looked so ridiculous. Imagine a fringe of thin hair covering a forehead which shows the skin under the forehead and also a high hairline and then several braids in the left hand corner sticking out. Bleh. The hairdresser said the benefits would far outweigh the fact that the extensions would show. Oh I hate him so much right now. I should have listened to that original hairdresser who specialises in hair loss who said I didn't need anything and to just use Nourkrin supplements to help my hair grow and/or get thicker.
This guy Pearce Moore of Chandler Wright hairdressers who claims to be a senior stylist for 20 years just took my money and ruined my hair but cutting it all off and didn't have a clue as to what he was doing in the end as I looked ridiculous.
I decided that I wanted my hair extensions out as I couldn't take them anymore and pulled out several that night in my fringe and felt and looked so much better without those stupid braids sticking out of my head. It was the most stupid thing I've ever seen on someone's head, which happens to be my own. Any idiot would have seen that it looked ridiculous and for someone who claims to be a senior hairstylist to think that I'd like that is just in denial or something. He couldn't look me in the eye when I paid him. That says something in itself.
Anyway the next morning at 9.30am we went to the hairdressers and he eventually comes up to me and asks if I'll not wait a few more days. I said I wanted to see him downstairs and showed him that I had already taken several in the front out and how much better it looked already without those stupid braids sticking out. I said I hated them and wanted them all out and that my hair and style looked like some bald person trying to pretend he had hair with one braid of hair or thereabouts and I hated it. I didn't like how it felt and how it looked and I just wanted them out. The rest is a blur and he gave in and stopped trying to persuade me (I'm glad my friend was there cos he would have tried to work on me and convince me to keep them in a while longer etc to get used to them - asswipe!).
When all the braids were out, he came down and said he thought I didn't need to use the wig anymore and that my hair was fine to wear to work as it was ... to which I replied that I was using the wig and that I didn't like my hairstyle (he'd said at least I'd gotten a good haircut out of this). I said I hated my hairstyle - he said he liked it and I replied that yes he did but I didn't; and that I couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror cos I hated my hair so much and that the whole point of the extensions was to feel confident about myself as I needed that for my work and all that had been taken away from me and I just wanted to never look at myself again. He shut up for once as I was getting very agitated at this point for him trying to convince me I had a great hairstyle when he'd cut off unnecessarilly 8 inches off my hair at the front and which will take me a long time to grow back and restyle to fit into my remaining hair; and worst case scenario I may have to cut all my hair off so they're all even and regrow everything which will take years. I hate that man so much.
He didn't even have the decency to give half a refund back and just said he was sorry it didn't work out as he helped me on with my coat. I didn't say anything and just walked out. I was that angry (and still am).
My best friend and I did some window shopping for some wigs as I wanted to find a wig that had better hair quality than the one I currently have been wearing cos it has always felt like doll's hair. We only found cheap wigs and I ended up back at the wig store where I bought my original wig from. I tried on a few wigs and nothing suited and then I spotted one I really liked and asked to try it on. As it turns out, it was the same wig style that I had originally bought (grins). Strange thing was though that the hair quality was beautiful and silky and I could run my fingers through it and I asked why this was. The lady asked if I had conditioned my wig and I said no cos I wasn't given any - so that perhaps is the answer and she also said I needed to use anti static every day on the wig to avoid static when it rubs on my clothes.
I happened to see 2 ladies wear my wig style in the store and they looked absolutely beautiful in it and I was mesmerised and it didn't even look like a wig and I then realised why people were staring at me (or rather staring at my wig) cos it looked beautiful and the wig was mesmerising; and this was such a godsend to me cos I felt so much better knowing now why people are staring and have been staring at me. Thank you Universe!!!
I was really glad I went to the store as I walked away with conditioner and anti static spray to help the wig condition become more silky and finger manageable and also saw two people (young ones) wear the same wig style as me and I now know how other people see my hair and it does not look like a wig at all.
It was a hectic 24 hours. The only thing is my natural hair is still ruined and I'll have to live with that for the next few months under the wig if not a year while it all grows out. I'll be fine - I have to be; and I may even buy another wig in the same style but different colour so I can tell those at work that I had dyed my hair a different colour every six weeks. I could even buy 2 more wigs ie 2 more different colours .... it's cheaper online than in the store.
Itchy scalp
These past few days my scalp has been getting very itchy and when I scratch in a certain spot I can feel nothing - no sensations whatsoever which is weird. Maybe that's why it itches cos the nerves are regenerating. It's a very frustrating sensation as I scratch and nothing. It feels like ants crawing under a spot on my scalp and when I touch the area there is no sensation. So I end up scratching or massaging another area which has sensation and it feels a little better.
When I told Jane about this in December, she said it would get worst (eeek).
To cut a long story short, I trusted the hairdresser as he seemed to know what he was talking about. In spite of going to see Mark Cook at the Mark Sharp saloon a few weeks ago in Mayfair, who said that he didn't think my hair was that bad and that he didn't think I needed the hair braiding system as I'd be wasting my money and that he couldn't help me with hair extensions as while he could thicken the back, he couldn't do anything for my front.
Anyway this hairdresser that I went to on Friday cuts my hair at the back and then cuts about 8 inches off my fringe. I'm shocked but I trust him as he seems so confident. I can't see what he's doing as it's all at the back of me. At the end of it all, he only puts about 7 extensions in the front of my hair and most of it is my own hair, just cut into a fringe and all the hair from the back of my head has been combed forward and 8 inches cut off it. He said this was the only way that would hide my incision lines. I hate him so much right now and feel extremely angry cos it took a long time to grow my hair and it's just f****ging ruined.
My hair at the back looks thick (I never needed it thick anyway in the first place) and at the front all that is left is my hair combed from the back to the front, with a fringe in as he's cut 8 inches off my hair and 7 braids that stick out like braids do and it looks horribly ridiculous. I ask him is that all he's going to do and he says yes. I said it looks silly cos my forehead can be seen through my fringe and he said I have to be careful how I stand and to not stand under spotlights (wot? I work under spotlights as there are spotlights all over my office building - everywhere). I flick my hair and the braids stick out and he said I have to be careful how I touch my hair and to use hairspray to keep it in place.
I'm in shock and taking this all in. There's still a bald spot on the right side of my forehead and I ask him is this all he's going to do and he said yes. He's avoiding me at this stage and as everyone has gone home, he's tidying up and avoiding me and not even asking me how I feel about this. He shows me the back and I'm still in shock. I hated the front. I'm not sure what hit me. My heart sank and I felt like one of those bald men in the adverts who have only one strand of hair which they try to flick across their head to hide their baldness.
He doesn't even ask me if I like it and starts to tell me I'll get used to them in a couple of days and how to comb it. I'm in shock and don't know how to react and don't want to cause a scene so walk out in shock and went to see my best friend. I only stayed for 2 mins as I was about to burst into tears. She looked at my hair and said it wasn't that bad and I said yeah but it's not something I'm confident with and it feels weird and stupid especially the fringe. I'm feeling so angry and upset just writing about it again as it feels like I'm reliving the whole nightmare again.
Anyway I left fairly quickly as she was giving my sympathethic looks and feeling sorry for me and I couldn't take that.
When I got home all I wanted to do was pull all the extensions out as they looked so ridiculous. Imagine a fringe of thin hair covering a forehead which shows the skin under the forehead and also a high hairline and then several braids in the left hand corner sticking out. Bleh. The hairdresser said the benefits would far outweigh the fact that the extensions would show. Oh I hate him so much right now. I should have listened to that original hairdresser who specialises in hair loss who said I didn't need anything and to just use Nourkrin supplements to help my hair grow and/or get thicker.
This guy Pearce Moore of Chandler Wright hairdressers who claims to be a senior stylist for 20 years just took my money and ruined my hair but cutting it all off and didn't have a clue as to what he was doing in the end as I looked ridiculous.
I decided that I wanted my hair extensions out as I couldn't take them anymore and pulled out several that night in my fringe and felt and looked so much better without those stupid braids sticking out of my head. It was the most stupid thing I've ever seen on someone's head, which happens to be my own. Any idiot would have seen that it looked ridiculous and for someone who claims to be a senior hairstylist to think that I'd like that is just in denial or something. He couldn't look me in the eye when I paid him. That says something in itself.
Anyway the next morning at 9.30am we went to the hairdressers and he eventually comes up to me and asks if I'll not wait a few more days. I said I wanted to see him downstairs and showed him that I had already taken several in the front out and how much better it looked already without those stupid braids sticking out. I said I hated them and wanted them all out and that my hair and style looked like some bald person trying to pretend he had hair with one braid of hair or thereabouts and I hated it. I didn't like how it felt and how it looked and I just wanted them out. The rest is a blur and he gave in and stopped trying to persuade me (I'm glad my friend was there cos he would have tried to work on me and convince me to keep them in a while longer etc to get used to them - asswipe!).
When all the braids were out, he came down and said he thought I didn't need to use the wig anymore and that my hair was fine to wear to work as it was ... to which I replied that I was using the wig and that I didn't like my hairstyle (he'd said at least I'd gotten a good haircut out of this). I said I hated my hairstyle - he said he liked it and I replied that yes he did but I didn't; and that I couldn't even stand to look at myself in the mirror cos I hated my hair so much and that the whole point of the extensions was to feel confident about myself as I needed that for my work and all that had been taken away from me and I just wanted to never look at myself again. He shut up for once as I was getting very agitated at this point for him trying to convince me I had a great hairstyle when he'd cut off unnecessarilly 8 inches off my hair at the front and which will take me a long time to grow back and restyle to fit into my remaining hair; and worst case scenario I may have to cut all my hair off so they're all even and regrow everything which will take years. I hate that man so much.
He didn't even have the decency to give half a refund back and just said he was sorry it didn't work out as he helped me on with my coat. I didn't say anything and just walked out. I was that angry (and still am).
My best friend and I did some window shopping for some wigs as I wanted to find a wig that had better hair quality than the one I currently have been wearing cos it has always felt like doll's hair. We only found cheap wigs and I ended up back at the wig store where I bought my original wig from. I tried on a few wigs and nothing suited and then I spotted one I really liked and asked to try it on. As it turns out, it was the same wig style that I had originally bought (grins). Strange thing was though that the hair quality was beautiful and silky and I could run my fingers through it and I asked why this was. The lady asked if I had conditioned my wig and I said no cos I wasn't given any - so that perhaps is the answer and she also said I needed to use anti static every day on the wig to avoid static when it rubs on my clothes.
I happened to see 2 ladies wear my wig style in the store and they looked absolutely beautiful in it and I was mesmerised and it didn't even look like a wig and I then realised why people were staring at me (or rather staring at my wig) cos it looked beautiful and the wig was mesmerising; and this was such a godsend to me cos I felt so much better knowing now why people are staring and have been staring at me. Thank you Universe!!!
I was really glad I went to the store as I walked away with conditioner and anti static spray to help the wig condition become more silky and finger manageable and also saw two people (young ones) wear the same wig style as me and I now know how other people see my hair and it does not look like a wig at all.
It was a hectic 24 hours. The only thing is my natural hair is still ruined and I'll have to live with that for the next few months under the wig if not a year while it all grows out. I'll be fine - I have to be; and I may even buy another wig in the same style but different colour so I can tell those at work that I had dyed my hair a different colour every six weeks. I could even buy 2 more wigs ie 2 more different colours .... it's cheaper online than in the store.
Itchy scalp
These past few days my scalp has been getting very itchy and when I scratch in a certain spot I can feel nothing - no sensations whatsoever which is weird. Maybe that's why it itches cos the nerves are regenerating. It's a very frustrating sensation as I scratch and nothing. It feels like ants crawing under a spot on my scalp and when I touch the area there is no sensation. So I end up scratching or massaging another area which has sensation and it feels a little better.
When I told Jane about this in December, she said it would get worst (eeek).
Friday, February 10, 2006
Day 67 : Week 9 post surgery : Fri 10 Feb 06
I'm slowing down some in my journalling and picture taking, which is to be expected. I've been posting snippets on the thread at Make Me Heal instead of posting here.
One of my biggest issues is still my wig and today Friday 10th Feb, I'm going to the hairdressers to have some extensions put in - which is a first for me - and I'm very excited.
I've also slowed down on my picture taking and goodness only knows when I last took a picture.
My scalp has been itching quite a bit lately .... arrrrgh .... and at work under the wig, it's very difficult to have a good ole scratch and I've had to resort to taking my wig off in the cubicle in the ladies and enjoying a head massage and then putting my wig back on again. Bliss. It's the nerves regenerating and these itches seem to happen where the incision lines are, and also where the bald spots are .... and my hair seemingly feels non existent when I'm scratching.
I still have the crinkly look on my left upper eyelid .. I don't expect that to go. When I look down, there's discomfort in my left lower eye ... feels like I have something under my eye ... hard to explain.
My eyes have been feeling more gritty at work and red and when I use Lacrilube, the lubricant tends to leak out of my eyes. Very embarassing. I'll have to think of something else to use ... perhaps the eye ointment that Jane had recommended and which I used in the hospital which is thicker.
I need to post updated pixs of before and after at 9 weeks post surgery.
One of my biggest issues is still my wig and today Friday 10th Feb, I'm going to the hairdressers to have some extensions put in - which is a first for me - and I'm very excited.
I've also slowed down on my picture taking and goodness only knows when I last took a picture.
My scalp has been itching quite a bit lately .... arrrrgh .... and at work under the wig, it's very difficult to have a good ole scratch and I've had to resort to taking my wig off in the cubicle in the ladies and enjoying a head massage and then putting my wig back on again. Bliss. It's the nerves regenerating and these itches seem to happen where the incision lines are, and also where the bald spots are .... and my hair seemingly feels non existent when I'm scratching.
I still have the crinkly look on my left upper eyelid .. I don't expect that to go. When I look down, there's discomfort in my left lower eye ... feels like I have something under my eye ... hard to explain.
My eyes have been feeling more gritty at work and red and when I use Lacrilube, the lubricant tends to leak out of my eyes. Very embarassing. I'll have to think of something else to use ... perhaps the eye ointment that Jane had recommended and which I used in the hospital which is thicker.
I need to post updated pixs of before and after at 9 weeks post surgery.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Day 62 post surgery : Week 8 : Sun 5th Feb 06
Today I coloured my hair for the first time since my surgery. I use Aubrey Organics hair colour which contains NO phenylenediamine, NO coal tar dyes—NO synthetic chemicals of any kind - http://www.aubrey-organics.com/product1.cfm?product_id=622&cat=31.
Since using paraben free make up and toiletries, my skin has improved drastically - it's no longer red and rashy with hives and dry and flaky and looks much healthier with no attacks of hives (used to get that for years).
I've to wait 2 hours before I can wash it and will report back later how it went. My hair already started tangling when I started to colour it .... it's very different to the normal haircolour we see in the shops and takes a while to put it on - it's like adding on mud to your hair (giggles). But it's a healthier way and no chemicals get into my skin and I'm ok to take the extra time out.
Will report back later .... I'm not looking forward to detangling it later as usually after it's all washed out it takes a good while to detangle ... my hair, since a young child, has always been extremely tangly!!
I'm suffering again from thrush and cystitis and it's very frustrating as well as painful (sniffles). Side effects of the steroids and antibiotics from surgery.
I watched Ten Years Younger this week and saw a 34 year old have fat transfer into her jowls - which made me think I can ask Jane to do that to my jowl lines when I have my fat transfer as I can't afford my Isolagen http://www.isolagen.com injections this year even. As she's injecting my uppers and lowers I can't see why she can't inject my jowl areas as well. I wonder if she'll charge more. I'll ask her when I see her either on the 21st Feb this year for my puntal plugs or on the 8th March when I see her for a follow up and to discuss the lower eyelid surgery then.
Since using paraben free make up and toiletries, my skin has improved drastically - it's no longer red and rashy with hives and dry and flaky and looks much healthier with no attacks of hives (used to get that for years).
I've to wait 2 hours before I can wash it and will report back later how it went. My hair already started tangling when I started to colour it .... it's very different to the normal haircolour we see in the shops and takes a while to put it on - it's like adding on mud to your hair (giggles). But it's a healthier way and no chemicals get into my skin and I'm ok to take the extra time out.
Will report back later .... I'm not looking forward to detangling it later as usually after it's all washed out it takes a good while to detangle ... my hair, since a young child, has always been extremely tangly!!
I'm suffering again from thrush and cystitis and it's very frustrating as well as painful (sniffles). Side effects of the steroids and antibiotics from surgery.
I watched Ten Years Younger this week and saw a 34 year old have fat transfer into her jowls - which made me think I can ask Jane to do that to my jowl lines when I have my fat transfer as I can't afford my Isolagen http://www.isolagen.com injections this year even. As she's injecting my uppers and lowers I can't see why she can't inject my jowl areas as well. I wonder if she'll charge more. I'll ask her when I see her either on the 21st Feb this year for my puntal plugs or on the 8th March when I see her for a follow up and to discuss the lower eyelid surgery then.
Day 61 post surgery : Week 8 : Sat 4 Feb 06
Woops, it's been over a week since I've last updated my blog - sorrie! Time constraints and I'd been posting at the Make Me Heal thread in snippets instead.
Summary of this week is that woah I bumped into a few people at work who hadn't seen me before with my new hair.
The first thing JB said to me in the lift when she saw me was "What have you done to your hair?". That took me back a bit and I replied that I'd had a fringe put in and some colour. We were on our way home and we agreed to have lunch the next day. At lunch she kept staring at me ... she's the only one who knows about my eye surgery -- and she said that my eyes looked very open. She liked it and she also loved the hair which she kept staring at. She said she loved the colour and that I should always keep the colour. She asked if it was extensions. I said yes. Wanted to tell her it was a wig but decided not to.
Later I saw AMG and the first thing she said was my hair's grown and had I had extensions. I said yes though only for thickness. She liked it (I think) as I can't remember if she said she didn't.
Then on the lift back down to my floor I bumped into one of the temps and she said in the lift that she'd been meaning to tell me that she liked my hair.
It was one of the first validations that people liked my hair and that they thought it was extensions and not a wig (whew). That was such a relief for me. I felt so much better.
Though my head still hurts and has patches where the hair net under digs into my scalp and it hurts periodically or constantly to wear the wig and hair net underneath and I really want to try and find an alternate, ie extensions.
My best friend went hunting round for hairdressers locally who do extensions and today, Saturday, we went to Christopher Wright saloon and met up with one of their senior stylists who I immediately felt at ease with and who was very confident that he could do something with my hair using ProHair extensions. He could give me body at the back of my hair and also at the front, thou said a couple of braids may show through a little but that the benefits of it would far outweigh the cons and that he could also give me a feathered fringe which is lovely as that's what I'd love.
Price wise he said it'd cost £150 and it'd be like 90 mins work, which I was shocked about as I thought it'd be much more and take much longer. He said I didn't need that much put in as I already had hair and length and we were just adding body.
I'm also very shocked that Mark Sharp studio couldn't do this or perhaps wouldn't do this but everything happens for a reason and I'm much happier here as the saloon is much more friendly and more local to me.
I felt very irritated with my best friend as she has issues with money. Most of what she buys has to be a bargain - and she reminds me of those that are called Chavs here in the UK, ie those who buy imitation labelled products at a bargain price and flash the labels (or something like that). My best friend was getting into a roll that the lady who sold me my wig had seen me coming and I was probably her best sale of the month etc .... I don't have an issue with paying the price that I paid for that wig and obviously my friend does. I've known her for 23 years and this is one of the things that bothers me about her. She is NHS and I'm private ie on BUPA. We're just so very different and I am amazed we've remained friends for so long as she's the opposite to me in a lot of things - practically 95% of what I do and believe in, she's the opposite though she wants to try and imitate me with my spirituality beliefs etc but gives up as she procrastinates.
Louise Hay does say that the subject of money is one of the most toughest subjects that people have and are passionate about and lots will refuse to give up their life long beliefs about money and/or lack of and to change their beliefs about money from lack to being abundant is very hard for lots. My best friend desperately wants to change her lack of prosperity and has asked for my help in this area (though I sense she wants her cake without having to do the hard work of baking it or wants to plant her seed and have instant plant). I've given her the books on prosperity where she's been too lazy to buy her own and I refuse to make her copies of my affirmation tapes on prosperity as if she desperately wants to change her prosperity, then she should make the effort to buy the tapes as rerecording is illegal and I will not do this. She always wants something for nothing if she can. I've given her website links and all the tools she needs to change her prosperity consciousness and she still procrastinates - starts of well and motivated by soon dwindles and if I question her on why she dwindles she says of course she wants it hard enough but doesn't have time ... bleh poor excuse. She's overweigh and complains of it all the time and yet she has all the tools in her hands to do something about it ie workout videos and the gym etc - she's always always on some fad diet of one sort or another trying to look for some quick fix ... as Susan Jeffers says, there is no quick fix - you have to put the work into it.
I was frustrated with her until I realised the above and decided to journal it to help me remember why my best friend has such an issue with money and why she reacts to my spending money and having personal health care when she uses the NHS and everything free. She can't stand the dentist, freaks out at needles, is an extremely nervous patient and is against everything that I stand for right now ie with me and my surgeries and has poo pooed me a fair number of times ... perhaps deep down she's doing it cos she cares about me and is scared that if I have surgeries I'll never come out of anaesthesia etc ... though the way she goes about me completely puts me off wanting to be friends with her as I feel totally alienated with the way she talks to me.
Metaphysically understanding, she doesn't know any better and she's doing the best she can coming from where she comes from and knowing what she knows and is in pattern, ie learned behaviour from childhood, which if I bring up with her, she'll deny - cos she's personally in denial.
On Thurs evening this week, 2nd Feb, I had dinner with an old friend I've known for 25 years or so. He was all compliments about how I looked and kept staring at me, saying I looked ten years younger, especially with my glasses on and was asking whether I'd changed my glasses. After 10-15 mins of his gushing out how wonderful I looked I couldn't take anymore and told him I'd tell him my secret shortly - to which he replied .. oh plastic surgery(?). I didn't like that answer too much so just told him I'd had upper eyelid reconstruction and left it at that, showing him my eyes wouldn't shut and he accepted that. He liked my hair especially the colour - I really wanted to tell him it was a wig but he'd only start complaining I should use my own hair and be natural etc so I left it.
More to follow and hopefully pictures
Summary of this week is that woah I bumped into a few people at work who hadn't seen me before with my new hair.
The first thing JB said to me in the lift when she saw me was "What have you done to your hair?". That took me back a bit and I replied that I'd had a fringe put in and some colour. We were on our way home and we agreed to have lunch the next day. At lunch she kept staring at me ... she's the only one who knows about my eye surgery -- and she said that my eyes looked very open. She liked it and she also loved the hair which she kept staring at. She said she loved the colour and that I should always keep the colour. She asked if it was extensions. I said yes. Wanted to tell her it was a wig but decided not to.
Later I saw AMG and the first thing she said was my hair's grown and had I had extensions. I said yes though only for thickness. She liked it (I think) as I can't remember if she said she didn't.
Then on the lift back down to my floor I bumped into one of the temps and she said in the lift that she'd been meaning to tell me that she liked my hair.
It was one of the first validations that people liked my hair and that they thought it was extensions and not a wig (whew). That was such a relief for me. I felt so much better.
Though my head still hurts and has patches where the hair net under digs into my scalp and it hurts periodically or constantly to wear the wig and hair net underneath and I really want to try and find an alternate, ie extensions.
My best friend went hunting round for hairdressers locally who do extensions and today, Saturday, we went to Christopher Wright saloon and met up with one of their senior stylists who I immediately felt at ease with and who was very confident that he could do something with my hair using ProHair extensions. He could give me body at the back of my hair and also at the front, thou said a couple of braids may show through a little but that the benefits of it would far outweigh the cons and that he could also give me a feathered fringe which is lovely as that's what I'd love.
Price wise he said it'd cost £150 and it'd be like 90 mins work, which I was shocked about as I thought it'd be much more and take much longer. He said I didn't need that much put in as I already had hair and length and we were just adding body.
I'm also very shocked that Mark Sharp studio couldn't do this or perhaps wouldn't do this but everything happens for a reason and I'm much happier here as the saloon is much more friendly and more local to me.
I felt very irritated with my best friend as she has issues with money. Most of what she buys has to be a bargain - and she reminds me of those that are called Chavs here in the UK, ie those who buy imitation labelled products at a bargain price and flash the labels (or something like that). My best friend was getting into a roll that the lady who sold me my wig had seen me coming and I was probably her best sale of the month etc .... I don't have an issue with paying the price that I paid for that wig and obviously my friend does. I've known her for 23 years and this is one of the things that bothers me about her. She is NHS and I'm private ie on BUPA. We're just so very different and I am amazed we've remained friends for so long as she's the opposite to me in a lot of things - practically 95% of what I do and believe in, she's the opposite though she wants to try and imitate me with my spirituality beliefs etc but gives up as she procrastinates.
Louise Hay does say that the subject of money is one of the most toughest subjects that people have and are passionate about and lots will refuse to give up their life long beliefs about money and/or lack of and to change their beliefs about money from lack to being abundant is very hard for lots. My best friend desperately wants to change her lack of prosperity and has asked for my help in this area (though I sense she wants her cake without having to do the hard work of baking it or wants to plant her seed and have instant plant). I've given her the books on prosperity where she's been too lazy to buy her own and I refuse to make her copies of my affirmation tapes on prosperity as if she desperately wants to change her prosperity, then she should make the effort to buy the tapes as rerecording is illegal and I will not do this. She always wants something for nothing if she can. I've given her website links and all the tools she needs to change her prosperity consciousness and she still procrastinates - starts of well and motivated by soon dwindles and if I question her on why she dwindles she says of course she wants it hard enough but doesn't have time ... bleh poor excuse. She's overweigh and complains of it all the time and yet she has all the tools in her hands to do something about it ie workout videos and the gym etc - she's always always on some fad diet of one sort or another trying to look for some quick fix ... as Susan Jeffers says, there is no quick fix - you have to put the work into it.
I was frustrated with her until I realised the above and decided to journal it to help me remember why my best friend has such an issue with money and why she reacts to my spending money and having personal health care when she uses the NHS and everything free. She can't stand the dentist, freaks out at needles, is an extremely nervous patient and is against everything that I stand for right now ie with me and my surgeries and has poo pooed me a fair number of times ... perhaps deep down she's doing it cos she cares about me and is scared that if I have surgeries I'll never come out of anaesthesia etc ... though the way she goes about me completely puts me off wanting to be friends with her as I feel totally alienated with the way she talks to me.
Metaphysically understanding, she doesn't know any better and she's doing the best she can coming from where she comes from and knowing what she knows and is in pattern, ie learned behaviour from childhood, which if I bring up with her, she'll deny - cos she's personally in denial.
On Thurs evening this week, 2nd Feb, I had dinner with an old friend I've known for 25 years or so. He was all compliments about how I looked and kept staring at me, saying I looked ten years younger, especially with my glasses on and was asking whether I'd changed my glasses. After 10-15 mins of his gushing out how wonderful I looked I couldn't take anymore and told him I'd tell him my secret shortly - to which he replied .. oh plastic surgery(?). I didn't like that answer too much so just told him I'd had upper eyelid reconstruction and left it at that, showing him my eyes wouldn't shut and he accepted that. He liked my hair especially the colour - I really wanted to tell him it was a wig but he'd only start complaining I should use my own hair and be natural etc so I left it.
More to follow and hopefully pictures
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