Day 22 post surgery : Tue 27 Dec 05

Tomorrow is my first day back at work since my surgery and I'm not looking forward to it. Thank goodness though that most of the team will be out of the office, baring that one new guy who only joined us 3 weeks ago. He may have to be in as he has no holiday leave. At least I'll be able to leave work later - perhaps around 2-3pm as the whole building will practically be empty.
I'm feeling very nervous about people seeing me in my wig (eeeek) for the first time as I've never worn a wig before and would hate for it to be obvious that it's a wig; though if I tweak it properly and put the hair behind my ears, it does look like my own natural hair as it's the same length as my own natural hair ie a couple of inches below the bust line and has the same shaggy look (grins) as my natural hair - coincidence perhaps; and the fringe looks just like I used to wear it all those years ago and so is the parting. The hair colour is just a little different as it has highlights. I can always say my best friend's daughter is training to be a hairdresser and has asked to use me as a guinea pig and I've agree and that my looks will keep changing over the weeks/months as she tries out various things on me.

I'm hoping that the wig will help take the attention away from my eyes as the wig if obviously much bigger than my eyes and will take center attention (eeek) and as I have a fringe, that will hide my high hairline while my natural hair grows in the thinning areas and also take away the look from my eyes as I now have eyelids, ie proper eyelids whereas before, being half Chinese and half English, I only had smallish eyelids which looked sleepy. My best friend says I no longer have that sleepy look in my eyes and she really likes it. I'm still fairly overwhelmed by it and especially looking at my new eyes in the mirror in different lighting other than home which is fairly dark, compared to the shopping mall and work, where there are lots of lights overhead everywhere in the building.

I usually bump into people I haven't seen for ages on the 5th floor at work and have been thinking that for a few months I'll take a different route to go to the fifth floor (where I have to pick up foreign exchange, tickets, send couriers and pick up presentations from the copy center etc) so that I can avoid bumping into people and avoid unwanted attention and unwanted conversations. I need to get over the overwhelm I feel currently before I'm ready to deal with unwanted awkward questions and stares, which make me feel very uncomfortable. Thank goodness the wig looks natural (if tweaked properly) and if I feel comfortable wearing it, knowing that it won't slip nor look weird throughout a 10 hour day at work, nor itch etc, then I'm all set.

I feel a little like Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie with his wig (smiles). I feel like I'm playing a role (grins) while I'm healing in the background, ready for the big reveal when the time is right.

I did a search on the internet for hair extensions and came across a hairdressing company in Central London which deals with hair extensions both fashion wise and for hair loss. http://www.markglenn.com/fashion.htm Right now my hair thinning looks like some of the real life hair pictures in the hair loss section (eek). Fairly costly to have fixed though knowing that it can be fixed is a godsend. Maintenance for hair loss is every 6-8 weeks and the hair loss costs are much higher than the fashion hair extension costs. I may consider it - depending on how my hair grows and repairs itself over the next few weeks/months and whether or not my hairline stays high. I do not relish the thought of having to always go to a hairdresser as it's expensive and I just don't have that kind of money so may not consider a fringe; and may consider hair extensions to thicken the hair in that area that I can use to camouflage my forehead some or at least make my hair look less thin.

I have more movement back in my forehead though my scalp still feels sore where the staples and incisions were. I guess these will take some time to heal.

There is some dry skin by my upper eyelid incision area which I am leaving alone to come off by itself as it doesn't when I wash it and I don't want to use cotton wool in the area just in case any incisions are still open. Occasionally it hurts a little or rather smarts.

I still have a smallish purple bruise on my left upper eyelid which my best friend noticed yesterday in spite of me using make up - hmmm. I only used minimal make up and hardly any around my eyes as I didn't want to put anything on them.

Tomorrow when I'm back at work, again I'll wear minimal make up and no mascara as that just seems to open up my eyes more and make the eyelid crease very noticeable (eeek). It feels so strange to have full eyelids. It looks like I have make up on my eyes with these new eyelids and I don't. I will wear my glasses to camouflage my eyes and hope that with my glasses and fringe, it'll take away the attention from my eyes and people will leave me alone.

No more late nights and going to sleep at 4am, 5am, 6am etc :)