Today was difficult re my wig in the morning as the lump / bruise that occurred from the wig net that was too tight around my scalp was still bruised and lumpy in the morning and really hurt. I noticed later that night that there was pus in it (eeek). I hope it wasn't an infection. (sighs). Anyway I ended up putting cotton wool underneath the wig net and that seemed to work though my wig looked a bit off most of today though it didn't hurt - just a little tightness. Having clips at the side helped keep the wig on.
No one noticed or said anything about my hair today or anything else though no one really was in the office and I didn't bump into anyone. At lunchtime I went to the Mall though had no strange looks (not that I noticed).
In the ladies, the girl the other day who said that she liked my new hairstyle started to ask me how my eyes were but she stopped herself short of saying eyes as I think she realised she wasn't supposed to say it or wasn't supposed to know or something. I let it go and didn't comment back. If those that knew I'd had eye surgery told her, and this lady works in a different dept, then people just like to talk and tell others things that no one else knows ..... I bet they just wish they'd be brave enough to do something like this.
I just got off the phone to a friend I haven't spoken to in a few months and when she asked what I did for x'mas somehow I found myself telling her I'd had eye surgery. She asked whether it was cosmetic - I debated whether or not to tell her - and found myself saying yes, thinking as she's into new age and is a youth worker etc she'd not be judgemental. How wrong was I. She started saying things like I don't need it, why did I do it, I need to love myself inside instead of trying to fix something on the outside as people love me for who I am and not what I look like and that she has lots of admiration for who I am as a person and doesn't understand why I would want to do such a thing .... oh-kay that was like a red flag to a bull; and after having to put up with my best friend's comments the past few days about my surgery, I raged as this friend and told her I had debated whether or not to tell her as I was tired of people being judgemental and unsupportive; and that I found more comfort with the support group I have on the internet than with real life friends.
This went back and forth for a while as she said she was trying to be supportive and show me that she cares because she says she doesn't think I need surgery. I said it's how I feel that's important inside, and not how others see me. Then she asks what started this quest for new eyes and I said it was cos people kept saying how tired I looked for years; and she said well doesn't that show that you care what people think about you. Geez! That's not the point. Anyway, the discussion was heated and I was really upset and almost in tears. She was tying to use psychology she uses at work with me but hey, this is me. I've been studying metaphysics and new age for the past 18 years, am a reiki master/teacher practicioner, lightworker and have been to many workshops and learnt much about myself and I am at peace with who I am as a person. This is about the outside and not the inside. I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile when I look at what I see instead of cringing.
She then says that well she's 47 and she too hates what she sees in the mirror, we all have to age at some point and grow old gracefully. Geez, woman, that's your personal choice - allow me my own choices and let me be who I am and support me as a friend (screams). She insisted she was supporting me and loving me with her comments and not being judgemental and I said that wasn't how I was feeling and deeply regretted telling her about my surgery. I was very supportive of her when she told me she's dating a man who is 15 years younger than her, at aged 32 when all of her friends gave her a hard time and I asked her to think back to how she felt when her friends wouldn't support her and I did. She said she really appreciated my support ... enough said.
Anyway I'm still fuming as I only just got off the phone from her. I said that the way my friends are reacting to my surgeries, I prefer not to tell anyone anything in the future and will just do things on the quiet, based on the reactions I've been getting. And I said it was fairly common for a lot of people who have plastic surgery, to have friends and family who are unsupportive.
She was asking me if the pain and discomfort had all been worth it and that I should accept myself for who I am, warts and wrinkles and all, like she does. Bah!! Call that support? She wants me to be a carbon copy of herself.
She's not a close friend, just someone I went on a workshop with years ago. She only tends to call when she's feeling lonely; this must be one of them.
A lesson for me to learn from tonite .... be careful what I say to friends and family; and best to just not say anything cos no one is going to accept it as everyone thought I looked fine as I was. Geez if I was 20 stones, wore no make up, was hideous etc - people would still think I was fine - it's what I feel inside that matters. If you love me, and care about how I feel, then support me in my decisions. I hope she learnt a lesson from me tonite ... she said she learnt from her children to accept others; though I certainly did not feel accepted by her. I do not wish to have her in my life nor see her; though I know when her boyfriend who lives in Gambia finally moves to the UK, she'll want me to meet him, cos of my personality and she'll want me to make him feel at home, as I accept their relationship whereas a lot of her friends don't. (sighs). Screams!
I was looking at my eyes in the mirror at work, without eye make up on and thinking oh it's enough days now, my eyes are looking a bit bland; and I think next week when I go back to work, I'll start using a bit of mascara and eyeliner. I did try some mascara when I got home and wow it really opens up my eyes and I have absolutely no need to use the eyelash curler as my eyelashes curl right up all on their own and stay there! Wahooooo! Wow!! Ptosis is gone!!
My uppers still feel tight and swollen and it's almost a month now post surgery. My incision lines still ache / smart as do the staple areas. My scalp/head is still numb in parts and tight. Some itchiness in my wig today but that soon went.
Vision very blurry at work due to using the lubricant before I leave in the morning for work and also using the artificial tears without preservatives. It's also still very difficult for me to shut my eyes and blink.
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