Day 18 post surgery : Friday 23 Dec 05

Another hectic day today - my sleeping hours are erratic!! Fell asleep at 5am and didn't wake till 1pm - slept straight through even though I'd set the alarm clock for 8am - I just didn't hear it. So the day was a little somewhat wasted.

Went to Bluewater Shopping Center late afternoon, with the intent of getting some self activating heat pads from Blacks camping store http://www.blacks.co.uk. though they didn't have them. I went to Boots Chemist http://www.boots.co.uk and asked at the pharmacy whetehr they had any natural tears that were preservative free. A young man who wasn't very experienced was at the counter and he kept going back and forth to ask his supervisors about this and I ended up being there a very long time, though I perservered and eventually got my results (smiles) as one of the pharmacists mentioned that they did stock individually packed preservative free natural tears though they were fairly expensive.

I had recently purchased some online last nite - will share link later as off the top of my head I can't recall what they were - and he gave me a choice of two - one was Celluvisc preservative free and the other was Liquifilm Tears preservative free, individually wrapped - 30 per packet. Celluvisc was £10.99 I believe and Liquifilm Tears was £9.99 or thereabouts. I looked at the ingredients and Liquifilm containted Alcohol and I prefered the ingredients of Celluvisc which contains Carmellose sodium - which to me kinda resembled salt.

I've been using Tears Naturale for years and hadn't realised they contained preservatives. Read on the internet somewhere that it's preferable to use natural tears that are preservative free. Tears Naturale cost about £4 thereabouts if not £4.75 per bottle that lasts a month.

I asked the young man behind the counter if when I opened up one individual sachet and hadn't used the full contents whether I could keep the rest in a fridge for 24 hours instead of throwing it away. He went to ask though came back with an answer that didn't make sense and I gathered he had probably forgotten the question by the time he asked his supervisors. I do recall speaking to one lady in the waiting room at the hospital during my first consult with Jane Olver and she gave me one of her sachets, saying that she usually kept one for a full day before discarding it fully and I think I've read on the internet somewhere that it's ok to do the same thing; otherwise it's such a waste of money to use just one drop of a sachet and discard it.

Shopped around a little more at Bluewater and just as we were about to leave, we stumbled across a store that was selling self activating heat packs (smiles) - just what I was looking for!! I purchased 4, 2 small ones which I intend to use as heat packs for my eyes at work when needed, as I read on the internet (and also the lady from MMH (sorrie can't 'remember name right now) - mentioned that warm compress on eyes helps with dry eyes); and two larger ones to help with period pains. http://www.heliosheater.com.

Was exhausted when I got back home and couldn't keep my eyes open and fell asleep for an hour or so. During this time even though I'd used the Celluvisc tears, I suffered from secondary tearing in my right eye while I slept which was very uncomfortable. The eye just tears while I'm sleeping and it's hot and painful and it's like it's crying a full set of tears over and over; and when I eventually woke up, my right eye was red and sore and still is. (sniffles).

I have a few pictures to post though they'll have to wait till later as it's time consuming to post pictures and my eyes are smarting too much right now to do so and I just want to go wash them under cool water. I think maybe the central heating was a little too high when I fell asleep at 21 degrees C.

On Day 18 post surgery and a lot of the movement in my forehead is returning. I'm able to move my brows more now slowly day by day, my brows are no longer as high, whew, thankfully - I'm only saying that as I had a little of that "suprised" look with my brows so high up (grins) and now it is beginning to look more normal; and the crease is returning slowly to my upper eyelids; meaning they were high before as they were swollen and now they're slowly coming down to give my upper eyelids a crease which is giving me a normal look, and I'm thrilled (smiles).

Each day when I look at the mirror at my eyes, I'm now finally after a year of such pain and unhappiness and tears, able to hold my head up high and smile as I'm really thrilled with the way my uppers and forehead is looking. Thank you Jane Olver for giving me my life back!! I never thought it was possible to be able to look in the mirror and be able to smile at the way my eyes were. One eye looked larger than the other for 12 months cos of the first surgeon's poor work and I wore his mistakes on my face every single day and in spite of telling him how bad I felt and how unhappy I was with his work on my eyes, he didn't really have much to say, just cos he didn't know what to do to fix it. I do feel angry with him still for the pain and humiliation caused by the way my eyes looked ie disfigured, for the past 12 months, though at least now Jane has given me my life back and though my lowers still need reconstructing, her work has been so great I think (need to wait till the red blood area has fully disappeared to see my left eye results fully) I can live with the lowers needing reconstruction for the next few months and hold my head up high when I go back to work.

I'm even seriously considering no longer wearing my glasses at work which I've been using to hide behind the past 12 months as I'm so thrilled with my results (smiles). It's been a great Christmas present. My happiness is going to spread at work and I know my work colleagues are going to be thrilled for me especially when they pick up on my energy as I'll be able to look them in the eye, be more self confident, and happier in my work and it'll be contagious. Thanks to Jane Olver (smiles).