Day 24 post surgery : Thurs 29 Dec 05

I felt more confident as I walked into work today knowing my wig didn't seem to look fake to anyone and breathed a sigh of relief and was able to hold my head up high as I walked into the building and onto my floor.

The day passed and no one seemed to give me a second glance (though there weren't many in the office and I only bumped into a handful of people). One lady at the foreign exchange center who knew I had the surgery didn't bat an eyelid when I went up to the counter to pick up some currency for one of my managers. I even braved it today and decided not to wear my glasses as I walked around meaning I decided not to hide behind my glasses after a year (eek). Now that's brave! Thankfully as no one much was around, I felt brave enough to do it and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I just looked like a woman without eye make up (ie normal) and my eyes did look a bit puffy (from the swelling still) though as I'd had surgery, that was to be expected. The woman didn't give a second look (well she did do a small double take) but didn't mention anything out of the ordinary or stare.

She asked how my eyes were and I said she looked a bit blurry to me without my glasses and her reply was "yes, I can tell" and basically that was that. I deflected the subject a little and turned it to her and it all went well, compared to the last time (July 05) I had my canthopexy and last Dec when I had had my other surgery, she did look at me strangely then. Now I just look different cos I have no eye make up and I have a new hairdo (which I don't think she noticed much) and the fringe takes away the focus from my eyes. It's like people have so much new to take in with me, and a lot seems natural, they assume I'm having a normal no make up day etc. I think that's how it is anyway hopefully.

I've been expecting people to comment about my new hair colour or hairstyle but nope, apart from the girl in the ladies yesterday, no one has mentioned it and I think I may have gotten away with it in that I've tweaked the wig so much it looks like my own (whew!).. Wonderful!

The downside is that after a few hours of wearing the wig, the net tends to dig into my scalp and my forehead/scalp starts to swell up and hurt. Today was a little better than yesterday though around 2pm, the throbbing started and there was nothing I could do about it (or not that I know of anyway as I daren't take the wig off to adjust it as it might slip and I'd not be able to fix it without anyone walking into the ladies and noticing). When I got home, I couldn't wait to take the wig off and where the wig cap was, I had a huge bruise and bump and a few hours later, it was still there and very sore. I'm not sure what to do. I can't not wear the wig anymore. I've iced it and will use some heat gel when I go to sleep.

I sincerely hope wearing the wig cap ie the hair netting is not damaging my forehead/scalp where the incisions are and restricting the flow of blood. I'm at a loss. I'll try and adjust the wig cap tomorrow by moving it around every couple of hours so that it doesn't concentrate on one spot and hope that helps ease the pressue on any one spot on my scalp though I'm very nervous about this. My best friend bought me a couple of different wig scalp covers to try one, one having a thicker band, ie for men, which I'll pick up tomorrow. She also recommended perhaps I could braid my hair and where my long hair is braded, have the wig cap resting on it so that my braided hair is between the cap and my scalp.

I got back late as today I had to work a full day and fell asleep after dinner, and just got up, to burning eyes. I am making an extra special effort to type this even though my eyes are as blurry as anything and my head throbs as I didn't want to miss any thoughts. Sorrie guys I can't get to make it to post at the Make Me Heal board thsi evening again (sniffles) - when I'm back tomorow after work, I should be able to reply properly.

I'm feeling a lot more confident about my wig and my eyes and will most likely continue to not wear eye make up as I have that look of puffiness. I may tell some people my eyes are still swollen if they ask and may also mention my eyes not shutting if they push further - I'll take it as it comes. A few more of the bankers have been calling up who're on vacation and asking me how I am and asking for details (as they do), and I have to talk to them about my eye surgery of sorts in some form. The medication schedule usually throws them off any plastic surgery as one wouldn't think with plastic surgery in the UK you'd need medication - I certainly didn't on my first two eye surgeries have any medication whatsoever.

I'm taking things as they come slowly and am really glad no one is focusing too hard on me or giving me any second glances like they did before when I had my first and second surgery as people who passed me would come up to me and ask me how my eyes were whereas no one is doing so now and I'm able to just be (whew) which is such a relief. That's what I've always wanted, ie to be left alone to get on with my life and not be center of attention and asked a whole bunch of awkward questions like how are your eyes and what exactly did the surgeon do and etc cos I looked so weird. So progress has been made (smiles). Baby steps.

Though it's still early days yet and I have next week when the whole team of 19 people will be back in the office and the rest of the firm, in their thousands will be back in the office including the mail room guys, cleaners, ladies in the canteen (oh yeah, I went to the canteen today to get some toast and was expecting some comments but nope, not an eyelid was blinked and it was busines as usual and no comments like I like your new hair or a double take .... wow! I was so thrilled (smiles) to not be noticed like I've been the past year!.