I had an amazing weekend being initiated into Level 1 of Babaji's Hatha Kriya Yoga at the Murugan Temple! Wow! The workshop was intense and yet inspiring from start to finish and the yoga postures were very familiar and brought back wonderful memories from childhood as I did most of those postures as a child for fun ie crab pose, fish pose, shoulder stand, plough etc! I feel wonderful and now have a inspirational set of breathing and meditation exercises to do every morning plus yoga postures which will make a big difference. I feel so alive and connected to life. Anyway, onward with my sharing on my eyes....
Over the weekend, probably Sunday, because my right eye outer corner feels so tight and the eyebrow lifts each time I shut my left eye cos it can't see properly, and it just doesn't feel or look right, I was drawn to taking a ruler to see if the outer eye tip corners were level and hmm, nope they are not. The right outer eye corner/tip (if you understand what I mean) is much lower than the left outer eye retraction and especially so when I lift the left lower eyelid outer eye (which will happen when the spacer is introduced). It explains now why my right upper eyebrow lifts when my left eye is shut, ie cos the right eye shape is all different and curves in too much. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well enough. I am hoping it's something that Jane can correct ie if it's been oversewn etc and hope it's not something that is irreversible.
The other thing I noticed this afternoon in the mirror in the bathroom at work was that oh noooooo, my left upper eyelid is starting to show signs of that crinkle again ie where the fat disappears. (sniffles). I hope it doesn't go back to how it was before surgery on the 5th June - that would be terrible. I don't know much about Coleman Fat Transfer though I didn't think that the fat would disappear too much with Coleman considering that excess fat is injected. Another topic to discuss with Jane.
At the yoga workshop the teacher had to look at my eyes when they were shut to watch me do a breathing meditation and I saw him looking at my left eye which doesn't close ie the lagophtalmus (I felt very self conscious). Then when he was checking my breathing technique again later he rubbed at both his outer eyes when looking at me - most likely sensing what I'd had done with his intuition as I didn't think my scars could be seen. Then later, whenever he'd speak with me, he'd flick away at his left eye (which mirrors mine) which I'm getting used to now though it still makes my heart sink and I feel very sad about the way my eyes look. There's nothing I can do about it but live with it until the next revision.
At least I have my yoga breathing and meditation techniques now (smiles) and my hatha kriya yoga postures and I'm happy (smiles). I meet with Jane for my follow up consult next Weds and I'm very intrigued as to her take on matters on my healing journey so far. I think she'll be disappointed though it's a question of continuing to try. 6 months from now ie December hopefully would be an appropriate time for another revision and I hope I don't have to wait too much longer. The right eye being too tight feels very claustrophobic at times and I want to just automatically raise my eyebrows to lift my eyes open as it doesn't feel right and/or I'll use my fingertips to raise and pull out my outer eyes for a bit of relief.
A copy of my post on MMH's eye forum http://messageboards.makemeheal.com/viewtopic.php?t=20601.
Om Kriya Babaji Nama Aum
Indi
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