Getting the rogue stitch out at A&E - Mon 3rd July 06

I had a restless night and probably only slept an hour. Woke at 5ish and got ready to go to Accident & Emergency at the Eye Hospital. It took a while to get my make up on cos I couldn't camouflage the infection on my right cheek plus acne properly and the make up kept caking and it looked awful and obvious just exactly what I was camouflaging. My heart sank when I realised it looked just stupid and I tried to part my hair differently so that the hair would fall over my right cheek and cover the swollen cheek infection and acne - well it works until the wind blows and/or I move my head and/or talk (sighs). There was nothing else I could do.

I left work a voicemail and texted one of my bosses and made my way to the station. It cost £7.20 to get a train to London (return) - ouch! The journey was long as the train kept sitting on the tracks and went into Cannon Street; where I had to wait for the Circle Line which took ages to get there; and also kept waiting on the tracks. I eventually go to A&E at the eye hospital at around 11am.

I waited a few mins in the sweltering heat in reception for the man in front of me to get seen and then I spoke to the receptionist. I was really lucky in that Jane Olver's Registrar was at the reception at the same time and overhead my conversation with the receptionist. He introduced himself and said he'd see to me straight away. I was so pleased and felt blessed as I had arrived, prepared to wait for hours before I got seen by anyone and the queue was really long. Everyone looked hot and tired and like they themselves had already waited for hours.

Jane's Registrar was really nice and I told him my plight and how I'd pulled at a stitch I'd found in my upper eyelid crease which was still like an open wound and how it bled a little and wouldn't budge anymore and that I was concerned I may have done some damage etc. He examined me and said I was fine (whew!). He then took his scissors and clippers and snipped away the stitch. I don't think he pulled anything out - and just snipped away what was on the outside. He said the rest was dissolvable and would dissolve on it's own at some point.

When I took my sunglasses and hat off, he immediately recognised the operation I'd had, and said ptosis repair and bleph and I told him he was good :). I did mention the fat transfer though he couldn't see that (I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not - could be good if he thinks my uppers are normally like that though not so good re the lowers(?)). I did say that the lowers hadn't taken and that the lowers had had fat repositioning instead and the right was a bit hollow.

It literally took 5 mins and I was out of there, and I was so pleased and felt really lucky - whew! It was such a hot day and the heat was too much for me. I made my way home, got the right connections and happened to bump into my mothers who was at the post office on the way back from the station.

Anyway I got home and the heat is getting to me. As it is I feel not right inside - I can't quite put my finger on it. Everything changes all the time, just the slightest changes and I eventually took a look at my eye and also the pictures I took this morning. The stitch sticking out of my outer eye looks like a bee sting sticking out (grins) of my eyelid crease. Then I looked at a picture with flash on of both my eyes and (sniffles) that set me back a few steps and I felt really upset and spiralled down again with my heart sinking into the pits of my stomach. With that and my right cheek infection and acne and pus everywhere, it's very depressing and feels just like I'm back at square one even though I know how very far I've come. Life just doesn't feel worth living (I had that flash moment with that feeling and it's an awful feeling) - like heck where does that come from? It's a hopeless desolate feeling that nothing can be done and to accept one's fate of doom and gloom ....

Jane did warn me that after the first 3 weeks, I'd need another 3 weeks to get over the recovery of the first three weeks and that it would be tough. I didn't know what she meant and the first few days after my op I felt fine and like everything was normal and then things spiralled when I got sick from the antibiotics and I think things haven't quite been the same since and I haven't quite recovered and things, like my eyes, change constantly.

It is what it is and I'm riding out the storm - that's all I can do. I hope it ends soon cos I feel sea sick ...