Week 14 (end of) : Sun 12th March 06

Pix taken 6 weeks post surgery in Jan 06

Pix taken Feb 06
2 months post surgery

Pix taken Sun 12 March 06
3 months and 2 weeks post surgery.

Pix taken 6 weeks post surgery (Jan 06) eyes closed

14 weeks (Mar 06) eyes closed. Much improvement, thankfully! Though there's still lagophthalmos of about 3mm in left eye and 1mm in right eye.



Today is the end of my two and a half month post surgery period, Sun 12th March 06.

I feel extremely sad, upset and disappointed looking at how my hairstyle is as I do not like it ... I actually hate it. I hate my fringe and I hate the way the hairdresser cut the back of my hair which is all straight without any feathering, which it had before and even my wig looks much better at the end as it looks like the hair is feathered at the end, unlike my normal hair.

My incisions lines are healing and hair is growing slowly back and each day and week it gets much better with more hair growing and I'm able to find more hair parting now, which is great; though my fringe lets me down as does my hair style which I hate and I am seriously considering finding a hairdresser (which will be tricky as I don't have one and the last time I had my hair cut, apart from the a**hole who cut it in Feb and gave me a fringe was about 2-3 years ago and they've shut down (I had my hair cut there for 5 years - I used to have it really short, like a boy).

I think my mind is made up and I'm going to have my hair cut short again - in a style similar to Debbie's as that's how my hair was before (kinda) and trim off a few more inches perhaps if needed to get rid of the straight line that the a**hole hairdresser from that saloon in Blackheath gave me. If you look at all the hairstyles where people have extensions, the back of their hair looks like how mine currently is .... straight line and yukky.

Punctal Plugs
I seem to be getting used to my punctal plugs and they're not giving me as hard a time as they did in the beginning. Perhaps that was an adjustment period(?). But I seem to be ok with them now. I'll take it day by day and see how it goes. Jane did say that I can always take them out myself if they got really bad.

Eyes
When I look at myself in the mirror when cleansing my face daily in the am and pm, I do like what I see, eye wise and yesterday I noticed that the lump in my left eye wasn't as prominent as it used to be and seems to be getting smaller, though when I smile, it protrudes out a lot still. When I touch it, it feels all gritty underneath and lumpy, not how an eye is supposed to feel.

Changes
Lots of changes happening in my life. M.R. called from Florida yesterday after almost a year of not hearing from him. He moved from England to Florida about 15 months ago. I've known him for 5 years since we did a workshop together and he's been after me all that time, trying all the tricks in the book to seduce me. I never knew how to tell him I wasn't interested as I didn't want to hurt his feelings and would just ignore his advances. Till yesterday.... the subject came up and I told him that while he was attractive and there has been chemistry between us, it didn't mean that I wanted to sleep with him, as he was married first of all, and I didn't want to be another trophy in the line of women he had slept with during his marriage. I said I viewed him as a good friend and that was it. I had no intentions of wanting to have a physical relationship with him. He was quite taken aback and I don't think I'll ever hear from him again.

K.P, an ex boyfriend who I broke up with 20 years ago has for the past 20 years been harassing me in one way or another, pretending to be my friend while having the ulterior motive of wanting to rekindle a physical relationship with me, even though he's married with kids, he's another guy who has affairs outside his marriage. I've tried everything I can in the past 20 years to tell him I'm not interested, and have avoided his phone calls though after 6 months to a year or so he'll call back again and keep trying and pretending to be my friend. This time, I've had enough of the "GroundHog day" events with us and have avoided his phone calls the past 3 weeks or so and just delete his voicemails when I hear his name. He calls me at least 4 times a week, if not more. Sometimes 3 times a day.

The reason these guys keep sniffing around is cos I'm still single (story of my life) and they think (in their weird male minds) that they have a chance of getting intimate cos I don't have a man around. I hate the way this works as I have to literally be a recluse in my house at times as if I go out, there's a young 18 year old boy across the road who's got a huge crush on me and he keeps coming up and asking if he can help me decorate etc and won't take no for an answer no matter how firm I am. And there's Postman P who has been stalking me for 16 years, and he too will wait outside my house and if I am out there, will pounce etc and things get so uncomfortable as he's totally in love with me. Those who've been stalked will understand.

Thou I feel a shift now finally and I'm backing away from all people and places in my life that I feel drained by etc and taking care of myelf for a while and learn the skills to take care of myself.