Thurs 16th March 06

I'm losing track of time now - I think I'm on week 15 post surgery, which is three months and three weeks.

Another rollercoaster in my life this week. Monday as soon as I got to work at just after 8am, one of my bosses', a group head, was already in the office and had left me a presentation to do. I had to send my sister details of my bank account as she was paying for my mother's ticket to Singapore in a few weeks and while I was emailing her, my boss, per usual, walked up past me into his office and made a comment, which really pissed me off, as the comment was to the effect that I should be getting started on the presentation.

My tolerance level is at an all time low as it is and I was feeling extremely upset all day, felt taken for granted as I'm the best assistant in the whole of the banking floor, and it's like ever since my boss, the group head was told this, he's been expecting more of me. I'm already giving like 150% at work, and it's like the more I give, the more he expects and his expections are extremely high. I just couldn't take anymore of it and the stress is causing me to break out which makes my self esteem drop and on Tuesday, I had a huge cyst on the side of my face and just couldn't face going into work with everyone staring at me and feeling sorry for me as I'm in a high profile job; and so took the day off work, and on Weds it still hadn't cleared and I was still suffering from work related stress and have taken the whole week off, so that I can focus on giving myself reiki healing and also homeopathic treatment for my cyst and meditating to help ease the stress; and today I listened to Louise Hay's stress free affirmations CD which I hadn't listened to for years and her voice has an instant calming effect on me and the stress and tension off my shoulders seems to have melted away. I've also started using the Dermalux Lamp again to help heal my cyst and that's helping too. http://www.dermalux.co.uk.

What's wrong with me? Work related stress? Yup! I feel taken for granted, expectations are too high and I've no more to give right now and need to take care of me.

Out of this good has come as I have been giving it some thought on how to help ease the tension at work and I can go to work early ie 8am which will give me an hour before anyone is in and clear some workload before the phones go crazy, work till 6pm or 5.30pm and come in on Sundays for 3-4 hours to clear all my backlog which tends to pile up in the work week without the distraction of demanding bankers and ringing phones /clients. Sorted! (smiles). And I get paid double time on weekends so it helps pay off my debts too and everyone is happy - voila!! I hope to put it in plan this Sunday when I will go into work to clear up my expenses for the bankers and other administrative tasks as I take care of the cost savings for the group.

Eyes
My left upper eyelid which had been suffering from that crinkly look for a while has suddenly seemed to take a drastic change in that it went deeper, like a deeper hollow for a while and all of a sudden yesterday or last night the look is different and my upper eyelid seems to be changing to get a curve again .... I'm taking it in my stride though am intrigued by it and wonder if it'll continue changing and it will mean I won't need any fat transfer there? Interesting.

My upper eyelids always tend to hurt when I wake in the morning in that they smart to touch and my head incisions also smart.

I still hate my hairstyle.

Oh I went round to mom's yesterday and I wasn't feeling well and for some strange reason she came up to me and tried to remove my hat wanting to look at my forehead. Eeek! I didn't have my wig on and immediately pushed her hand away and stood up. She asked if I was ok, and I said yes, fine. I'm sure she's now really curious as to what I'm hiding and will continue to try and figure out what's under my hat!!