Monday 26 June 06 : 3 weeks post op

Monday 26 June 06 : 3 weeks post surgery

Uppers looking good re the fat transfer, lower eyelids still sore from incisions and stitch removal - some lumps and bumps here and there, left lower lump isn't' showing as much and droop varies from day to day - Jane suggested I start massaging today, and right lower eyelid is hollow - it's hard to show in photos though those that suffer from lower eyelid hollows will see straight away what I mean

My eyesight is so blurry these days and worst than usual. It's most likely a side effect of the operation and my obicularis being worked on (for use of a word). It's worst in my left eye than my right and I keep blinking and hoping the vision will improve but it doesn't.

Today is my last day off before I return to work tomorrow. On Sat morning when I woke up in pain from the mild kerasis all night, I felt I might need to take this week off but my eyes are much better now cos I'm using Lacrilube and the incisions where the stitches were removed don't hurt as much as they did over the weekend and oh boy did they hurt and throb and being at the yoga workshop didn't help much as any movement I did - even if just to bend over and massage someone and my eyes would throb and sting (where the incisions were) and all I wanted to do was rub them but I obviously can't.

The red lines where the incisions are on the lower eyelids are healing by the day thankfully though there are some red and bumpy spots here and there which I hope go down and heal at some point and disappear.

The left lower eyelid droop varies in droop from day to day and hour to hour sometimes looking worse and sometimes looking not so bad but never where it should be. It is noticeable though I havent' asked my mom yet whether she can see it or anyone else as only my best friend has seen me over the weekend who knows what's going on. No one else knows and that's the way I intend to keep it friends and family wise as I'm emotionally exhausted of talking to people about my eye surgeries and the judgement that comes with it.

At the yoga workshop some knew as I had to tell them I was getting my stitches out and oen couple asked why I needed any eye operation and I was like ... geez I'm not going into all that stuff as it's like sharing a life story so I just said I had eye complications and that it was a long story and they accepted that.

My right lower eyelid hollow still bothers me as it's stands out so much to my left lower eyelid which looks filled in (but then again my left lower also looks too fatty when I smile compared to my right lower - they both still need work on) though I'm learning to deal with it and not feel so angry about it - I just can't understand how it could have happened, unless it's common for a surgeon to try and move existing fat around and after surgery it's not any different(?).

I decided not to email Jane yet at this point as there's not much she can do. I thought of mentioning that I found 3 stitches that had been missed on Friday and removed them myself with tweezers and a magnifying mirror but thought well maybe that happens occasionally and it's not a biggie(?). I was in so much pain and discomfort on Friday it was crazy!

Even now my eyes still feel brusied and sore and I could use another week off work instead of going back to my 10 hour - 11 hour days but well it's too political if I take time off and they'll suspect that I had an operation if I did ask for time off sick so I have to go back to work tomorrow and pretend that I have been on my yoga workshops for the past 3 weeks on and off; though I don't need to pretend there cos I did go to one yoga workshop.

My next appt with Jane is on the 2nd August, which is in 6 weeks time. I believe it's a Wednesday.

There's about 80-90% success in the surgery (to date) and I am happy with that though because the right lower eyelid hollow stands out so much as it's in such contrast to the left lower eyelid - it bothers me as I'm going to have to live with it for the next few months and each time I see my eyes in the mirror, my gaze will go there and it'll upset me cos it just stands out a mile and is not something that can be dismissed so easily and it pulls a knot in my stomach each time I see it and I just want to cry. To me, it's horrible and it looks skeletal; and I am hoping maybe perhaps by some miracle, it'll fill in? though I doubt it. The left lower droop also bothers me but not as much as it's not as bad as before and has improved a lot - about 80% and I can live with that as long as it doesn't drop anymore. Time will tell over the next few weeks what happens in my recovery - ie as to how much fat I retain in my uppers and whether my lowers change and whether the left lower outer lump returns and whether the left lower droop goes any further or higher.