9 weeks to go before my next reconstruction surgery

I'm now at the 4 and a half months post surgery mark. I'm still suffering from thrush even though I'm doing all I can to help prevent it including taking probiotics. I can feel it coming on again though it's not as strong an attack so maybe the probiotics are helping after all; and hopefully perhaps it won't come on and will just pass through. I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed. I have purchased some more Vagiclear or whatever it's call which is a course of 10 days and will start to use that tonite.

I've been keeping my head low and working hard both at work and at home. I'm getting up extra early to make my breakfast and lunch and going to work extra early, coming home, working out, shower, protein shake and head for bed and its the same thing next day. I've been inspired by The Biggest Loser Series II, and admire all of the folk on there who've showed such determination to lose weight and how far they have come. Hey the guy that came in second even had a six pack on his stomach - now that's awesome!! I may be skinny but I have flab in lots of places which I need to tone up; and when I had my BUPA assessment last year, they said I needed to build up muscle tone.

I've lost a couple of pounds and my jeans feel lose again and it feels great. I also like that I get so tired after I work out and I fall asleep almost instantly. I'm trying to get 8 hours but I end up with about 7 or 6 hours sleep. At least it's better than what the bankers get at work as they get 2-3 hours if they are lucky - though they're only 23 years old plus and analysts. I've done my time at the bank the past 10 years and have done my all nighters.

I'm still keeping a low profile from my best friend and others as I need to take care of myself for a while. I'm still in a delicate space and it's like if I go back to those old haunts, I'll get dragged back into that black hole again and I don't want to go there again. I'm not sure what the future holds. I'm taking it one day at a time.

I still hate wearing my wig to work as I swear it looks to me to be so obvious that it's a wig even though I still get compliments and people ask me whether it's my natural hair colour etc. (sighs). I've got 9 weeks to go wearing the wig as I checked my hair condition and while my hair is much better, I'm still not confident to not wear the wig just yet as my eyes are fairly obvious when I'm not wearing my wig in that currently my fringe in wig helps hide my eyes and if I stopped wearing the wig right now, my left eye droop and my upper eyelid crinkle etc are fairly noticeable and I can't bear people staring at me again so I think I may need to wait till my next surgery reconstruction is over before I stop wearing my wig.

I so wanted to stop wearing my wig after the easter weekend. I wanted to have a new hair cut and then go back to work with it and hope it hides my eyes somehow. I may try to do that ... we'll see. I don't even know where to go to get my hair cut.

Time for bed / Indi