I'm getting very paranoid as people at work at continuing to stare at my hair (sniffles). I'm not sure if they're admiring it and/or thinking errrgggh that's a wig. Cos I feel so insecure inside, I feel others are looking down on me (sighs). I wish so much I could just get rid of the wig and wear my own hair as I'm tired of the looks - geez it's gone from people staring at my eyes to now staring at my hair (sniffles) though as I said I'm not sure if they're admiring it or thinking ergh, that's a wig and/or hey, she's wearing extensions, or isn't she ... and they stare to take a closer look.
I've lost count now how many people have stared at the top of my head or at the side of my head / hair and how many people have done double takes. NS today did a double take in that he was talking to the others in the desks in front of me and then I caught him doing a double take and staring at me and I'm thinking, what the heck is he looking at? Do I really look that bad? Or is it that I look better now and if that's the case did I really look that horrible before - though if I did look good why on earth would he do a double take? I don't understand.
Why are people looking at the top of my head/hair? I've started to scruffle it up a bit today to make it look scruffy and more natural looking, hoping that'll help and have changed the parting a little. Geez the next 5 months of wearing this wig is going to be a learning curve for me.
My Nourkrin tablets arrived today and a few had broken out of the capsule and oh ergh, they stank!! I hope my breath doesn't smell or my skin when I start to take them, like garlic tablets do to your breath. We shall see. I'll keep a report on my progress.
I wonder whether my face has changed so much from my brow lift that people are doing double takes? I dunno. L has stopped staring at me though I notice now she's doing things to bring attention to herself like buying new ear-rings etc ... what's happening? Does she like how I look and wants to make herself look nice to compete with me? I really don't know nor understand. My look is simple and plain and I'm not trying to bring any attention to myself - quite the opposite in fact.
I'm having dinner with one of my closest friends of 25 years next week who hasn't seen me since Oct/Nov last year and who doesn't know I've had surgery in Dec. He'll be a great test to see if he notices my hair / look etc. Then again he thought I looked good after my surgery with the butcher doctor. (grins). I'm not sure how much he'll notice as he's a guy. We'll see.
I had dinner with mom tonite and she didn't say a word about my hair nor did she stare too much this time. We were watching a cosmetic programme at the time and mom didn't use the opportunity to mention my hair - you'd think she would if she thought my hair was a wig. I started deliberately talking about how people are doing double takes at me and mom smiled and thought that was nice. Hmmm, I was trying to instigate her to say something about my hair if she thought it was a wig and she didn't say a word - mom is usually very opinionated and will say so .... so I must have passed there.
I'm just confused. Today was a rough day wig wise and self consciousness wise ... I need to build up my self esteem and confidence. I need to remind myself that Tyra Banks wears wigs all the time and has a high hairline and I've nothing to be ashamed about and even if people did think I was wearing a wig, so what?!
One thing I have noticed is that one other girl has started to wear fake hair on her ponytail (which makes me wonder) and another girl has been wearing her hair down long more than usual and has been staring at my hair when she passes me. So people are noticing my hair though I don't know what they're thinking - arrrrrrghhh!
Back to my recovery - my forehead feels fine - still feels like I have botox but I'm fine with that. The wooden head feeling is less than before. No itchiness (just mild scratch on the side every now and then under my hair) and no nerve tweaks in the scalp. Fairly normal otherwise. My eyes feel ok though today I napped during my lunchtime and had secondary tearing and my eyes got all red (urgh)l.
Still hate the crinkle on my left upper eyelid and I'm feeling a complex come up about that in that I want to hide that eye especially as with the lower left eyelid droop, it makes it look just worst than it is. I really wish July would hurry up and arrive already.
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