Day 50 post surgery : Week 7 - Tues 24 Jan 06

Woke feeling fed up this morning. Fed up of seeing the crinkle in my upper left eyelid and the droop in my lower left eyelid and seeing both eyes look different shapes; and also seeing my left upper eyelash not curl properly in the mornings when I use mascara and seeing it droop later in the afternoon. What happened?? My uppers looked great after surgery - I guess it was all that swelling - and now the swelling has gone down, the fat loss in upper eyelid (left) is becoming obvious. I don't think it's going to heal much in the next 6 months though if it does, I'll certainly be happy - I'm keeping an open mind as stranger things have happened.

Also am feeling fed up with my left eye looking sleepy and smaller than my right eye. I do hope that all this can be fixed on my next surgery in July and that we do not need a third as I just don't have the money and geez my credit limit is reaching the sky and above.

Perhaps it's cos my period is due that my hormones are all over the place and I'm feeling slightly on edge - dunno.

L is still staring at me at work on and off and I feel annoyed by it as she's trying to catch me out. So what if I am wearing a wig? I loved it the other day when GG said to her that she was opinionated (chuckles). I hope I wasn't like that when I was 26 years old. Life to me in my forties is certainly strange, as one is older and wiser with hindsight, especially with my spiritual studies of metaphysics over the past almost 20 years.

I washed my wig over the weekend and it's feeling softer and smoother, more like my own hair, though as it's still much thicker, I suspect a fair amount of people in the office are curious as to why my hair looks so different and are wondering if it's a wig or extensions etc. They are slowly beginning to get used to it though. Just think, I've got another 5 months of wearing this wig and it's only been a month. I wonder if I'll stop wearing the wig sooner than the 5 months and if I'll make the end of the 5 months. At the end of 5 months will be my surgery. I haven't wished the year would pass so fast as I do this year! I'm burying myself deep in my work and working long hours mainly to get some money by doing the overtime and also to keep busy.