Jane's summary re upcoming surgery

Jane's letter finally arrived a couple of weeks after my last consult with her on 4th May. It made interesting reading and I felt nervous about some points.

It's been a challenging few days for me at work this week - some stuff is stirring there - some of it perhaps caused by my taking 3 weeks holiday which clashes with the other secretary in the team - and I've spent the whole weekend in duress - you know how your heart feels when you've broken up with someone and feels broken in two ... well that's how mine feels as I have decided it's time to leave my group after 3 years and apply for another position in the firm. I've been feeling undervalued in the group for a while and have put up with poor treatment and this was the final straw for me. The other assistant put in a formal complaint that I've been ignoring her at work and that she's really upset by it - geez if I could have said the same about her as I have felt insulted by her behaviour towards me the past year or so and have just tolerated it. It's a long story I won't get into ... office politics is always ugly and especially so in investment banking. It's been one thing or another for me lately ie with the car incident as well 2 weeks ago.

Anyway back to the letter ... (sighs) I'm so down about work I don't even know where to start to write and share this ....

I have some eyelash ptosis which requires minor surgery on the upper eyelids to evert the lashes by a small anterior lamella reposition. There is also a little bit of a dip in the upper lid salci which will have Coleman fat injected into. This is the part where Jane warned me could get lumpy - she really wanted me to have Restylane here but I won't. I can't afford to have Restylane injected every 5-6 months for the rest of my life. I'll share pixs at a later date as to how my upper eyelid looks now which has changed a lot since the last pix I shared.

I'll need a bilateral lower lid small skin blepharoplasy (redrape) with tightening of the orbicularis up to the orbital rim and release of the lower lid retractors on the left side for the eyelid to go up. Any fat will be released bilaterally into my tear trough region and Coleman fat infiltrated into the area as well. Coleman fat will be taken from inside my knee - injection discreet to avoid bumps but adequate to fill the dips.

There will be puffiness and bruising for up to 3 weeks after surgery and mild puffiness for about 6 weeks that I will notice but others won't. Fingers crossed about this one!

The Coleman fat may require resculpting at a later date if there are any small lumps visible. The lower lid retraction on the left may recur minimally as an eyelid which has already had previous surgery does have unpredictable healing. If this does happen, Jane suggested she would have to put in a hard palate muscosal graft taken from my mouth to raise this up. Geez - this is the first I heard of it as she didn't mention it during my last consult. I'm still not sure what it means but it sounds scary and expensive!

I suffer from recurrent episodes of ocular exposure and keratisis which is very painful.

My heart hurts from thinking about my meeting with HR tomorrow and the other assistant and I can't write too much more .... my surgery is in 14 days and I'm feeling very nervous. Life is certainly challenging right now and I'm struggling to stay afloat and keep positive for all around me.